The Bible Jesus Read - chapter 2: Job

The Bible Jesus Read, by Philip Yancey is my current non-fiction book. I was intrigued by this book because, although I've learned many of the OT stories in school and church, I don't KNOW the old testament and the stories I've learned are slowly fading away. The author makes the point in the first chapter that we don't pay much attention to the OT anymore - we are much more NT focused. He, himself, had little desire to read or dig into the OT and only did so because he was paid to do it.

In this book, he explores four books or sections of the OT: Job, Deuteronomy, Psalms, Ecclesiastes and The Prophets. I am currently reading through the prophets in my Bible time, so I can't wait to get to that section.

Chapter 2 - Job: Seeing in the Dark

I've read Job in the past, but I did not read through the book as I was reading through this chapter...

His basic premise in this chapter is that the book of Job is NOT about suffering, rather it is about faith.

The first two chapters of the book set up the plot of the rest of the book: God and satan discuss this man, Job, and Satan tells God that Job is only faithful because he is rewarded very well for his faith. God disagrees and tells satan that Job is a righteous man whose faith is true. Satan pretty much gives God the Whatever sign, to which God's response is: Okay, do whatever you want to him, but do not harm him. In chapter 2 they have the same conversation and God gives him permission to harm Job, but he must not die.

The middle chapters of the book describe Job's suffering and the conversations he has with his friends. The last chapters hold God's magnificent speech about his power over creation and who is REALLY in control here.

What I took away from this chapter:
* Job's friends used the following logic to explain his suffering: a) God is just and fair - if you sin, God will punish you, if you are righteous God will reward you. Therefore, if you are suffering, you must have an unconfessed sin - repent and God will restore you. Job, however, maintained that he was righteous and blameless and that God was simply being unfair.
Throughout our EJ journey I have held the same reasoning - Why isn't God rewarding us when we have been obedient? Does one of us have an unconfessed sin lurking around that needs to be confessed before we will be taken care of? This book reveals how that reasoning is just false - God doesn't work like that.

* Job questions God. Job cries out in despair and even says scandalous things about God. Job gives up on the idea of God being JUST and FAIR, but he never gives up on God, he never stops believing in God and that God is present in his life - even if he is being totally unfair.
It is okay to question and doubt. God condemns Job for his ignorance of what is going on in the rest of the universe, but he doesn't condemn him for questioning and doubting him. William Safire says: "Human beings are sure to wander in ignorance and to fall into error, and it is better - more righteous in the eyes of God - for them to react by questioning rather than accepting. Confronted with inexplicable injustice, it is better to be irate than resigned."

* Job lives in a limited perspective of what is going on. Yancey says he is only privy to the ingredients of the situation and not the goal, the end result or the play as a whole. Having knowledge only of the ingredients limits his perspective to the point that he IS completely ignorant of what is going on when he questions God. Job sees God as unfair; God sees this as a cosmic battle with his reputation on the line (so to speak). God doesn't even explain himself or give Job reasons for why he is allowing his suffering.
This smacks of me having the following conversation with the girls: "I have much more incentive to win this battle. My job is to raise you to become good, well-functioning grown ups and this small battle is much more important for me to win, than for you - my incentive is greater." In a nutshell, the girls are ignorant of the larger picture and really only see the ingredients of the current situation. Wow, do I feel like that in my own life many times. Hind sight is 20-20, right? How often have I looked back and thought, "Oh. Well Holy Shit. THAT's why this happened." (excuse my profanity, that is exactly what is going through my head.) If only we could be privy to the play as a whole rather than the ingredients - life would make much more sense.

* There is a cosmic battle going on and MY faith, MY decisions make a difference. Quotes from this chapter: " Job presents the astounding truth that our choices of faith matter not just to us and our own destiny but, amazingly, to God himself." "God has given ordinary men and women the dignity of participating in the redemption of the cosmos. He is allowing us, through our obedience to him, to help reverse the pain and unfairness of this world..." "We will never know, in this life, the full significance of our actions here for... much takes place invisible to us."
It is really difficult for me to see or grasp that I matter in the grand scheme of things. It is also difficult for me to grasp that God is not the watchmaker just watching his creation as it winds down. I guess in that respect I sometimes wonder if praying really makes a difference or if life just follows a natural path and if you give it enough time it will all work out. Can prayer change his mind? But then I've experienced having my prayers answered - specifically. WHEN does God step in? Does he really, truly test us - like make things happen to test us - or is it just coincidence when things happen? Combination of both? How do you know which is which? I have a friend who does not believe in tests - his response is that God does not make children die as a way to test the parents. However, I've had times and experiences that I felt were tests... most recently when our capital campaign pledge was due to increase and we were making less money than before. I felt like the decision to continue our pledge was a test of faith - did we believe that God would provide even in THESE circumstances?
I wish I knew the answer to those questions. I feel like the actual circumstances might be a bit easier to deal with and live through if I knew they were a test - "Okay, this is a test, therefore if I choose faith, everything will be okay." Of course after writing that out I think perhaps the best response to anything - test or no test - is faith. Seems kind of like a DUH realization:)

A verse from my OT reading this morning fits very well with this chapter on Job:
Jeremiah 23:35 - "Instead of claiming to know what God says, ask questions of one another, such as 'How do we understand God in this?' But don't go around pretending to know it all, saying 'God told me this...'"
Truly, we have no idea what is going on in the universe as a whole. We have no idea how our actions, our situations affect the spiritual battle that is taking place around us. We have no idea what God's incentive is in allowing whatever is happening to happen... perhaps we are playing the role of Job in this play.

Running

I've gotten myself into quite a situation with this and I'm not sure what to do about it. Pretty much life as usual with me includes a lot of self-discipline and then often sliding to the extreme.

I started running a year ago. At that time I couldn't even run a mile without taking a break. But I was determined to become a RUNNER. I didn't want to just run for exercise, I wanted to be a runner. Up until that point I had done some running on the treadmill as exercise, but I always did intervals because I couldn't stand the boredom and pain of endurance running. Around this time last year, though, I began to run outside and it changed me dramatically.

My 3 mile route became a challenge that I just couldn't beat - and began to feel like a puzzle I couldn't figure out. My brain was working overtime analyzing anything and everything about how I ran and how I could do better. Ultimately my problem was that my heart was beating too fast - my body could handle things, but my heart rate was getting too high and I'd have to stop. I didn't know how to change that, but I continued to work on running a little further every time before I stopped to walk.

In the meantime I was able to drop the last 5 pounds of pregnancy weight and my body was changing to become more athletic, fit and healthy. Soon I added more mileage and was running 5 miles at a time. Somehow I had it in my head that truly fit people ran 5 miles - not 3 - so this was fantastic.

I am a weather wimp, though, so as it got colder I started running on the treadmill more and more. Until finally that was all I was doing. But I was running 5 miles 3 times each week and then adding a mile each Saturday morning until I had gotten up to 7.75 miles without a break and 9 miles total. In April, Dave and I ran a 5k at Calvin. It was my first and I sucked - I didn't run even 1 mile straight. I finished and found a corner in the field house and cried for 15 minutes - I had worked SO hard at becoming a RUNNER and was unable to string together even 1 mile.

From that point on I have been running outside again - time to stop being wimpy and get over it. First 4 miles on a hilly route. Then turning that into 5 pretty comfortably. Pretty soon I was running 8 miles on Saturday and if I had to run on the treadmill due too weather it was 10 miles. I have to say, I was quite proud of myself not to mention I could basically eat anything I wanted to eat.

I had an awesome 8-10 mile run in Lake Geneva at the end of June and then took a week off to rest. Since then I have had nagging injuries to my shins and my ankles and I'm not sure what to do about them. Basically I've been a mental case about running... I don't want to gain weight, so I'm reluctant to stop or back down my mileage (I now have it in my head that 20 miles per week is best).

I'm worried, though, that I'm in a cycle that is only going to get worse - if I can do this many, well then I should be able to do this many and pretty soon I'm doing a ridiculous number of miles every week that are completely unnecessary to achieve good health. I have no notion of doing a marathon - I have a goal of running 15 miles by next April, but am beginning to wonder why I want to do that:)

Somehow, I need to get back to focusing on being healthy. I would like to lose 5 pounds, but don't think I can do that while I'm running so many miles (because I get so hungry and know I can eat whatever I want). I suspect that I might not be eating enough calories to maintain this amount of activity, which probably also contibutes to injuries and fatigue. I think that I'm going to need to rejoin Weight Watchers and retrain myself on how to eat and exercise. I need to remember that I AM a runner now, I don't need to go to this extreme... running 3 miles is just fine.

Finances

I wish that over the last 4 1/2 years I had kept a very detailed journal of our EJ experience and the financial aspect of it... because it is pretty incredible. God is so evident to me in hindsight, I just wish that in the midst of despair I could see him. I am thankful that He can and WILL listen to my brattiness when it occurs and loves me despite my ungratefulness.

Last March we had gotten the letter from our mortgage company advising us that they cut our equity line down to $2500. We freaked out. Dave began kicking his own ass at work - he resolved to make 20 contacts a day and not come home until he had. He ultimately revised the goal to 100 contacts/week and a commission goal as well. He has maintained this all while continuing to only have 2 nights of appointments each week.

I'm not going to lie - it sucks a little. He's not around as much. I feel like we don't talk as much and need to have "catch-up" coffee on Sunday mornings. It has gotten better recently, but it will be like this for a very long time. Ultimately I think we are both figuring out that this is how it should have been for the last 4 1/2 years.

His income increased a little each month - not enough to come close to paying our bills, but looking promising. Last month, though (June), sucked. The worst month he had in over 6 months. Would have been fine, except that we were down to the very last couple of thousand dollars of supplemental money AND Dave's assistant left, which meant a hiring process, more hours for him since he didn't have an assistant and as we experienced that last time a decrease in income.

I had quite the talking to with God one day in the car. Yelling, crying, sobbing. Asking why. Questioning why in the world we have been tithing and giving money to the building fund if this was going to be the result. Why was Dave working so hard to not be rewarded for his efforts? We could probably get through that month, but beyond that we would have nothing left. While Dave had hope because he knew his pipeline, I had very little.

I've been praying that there would be enough oil in the jars this month and that God would fix things and bless Dave's business and turn things around. I've also prayed that the hiring process would be quick and that He would guide Dave to the absolute perfect person to work with him.

One month later (today): Dave's hard work has definitely been rewarded. He has been making money every single day. His commissions for this month are already almost double those of June and his selling month doesn't end until next Tuesday. I think we will cover our expenses for the 2nd time in 4 1/2 years this month and quite possibly will have something left over to start to rebuild our emergency fund (which, by the way, we are living examples of how important it is to have one). It is looking more and more likely that he will earn a trip - I'm asking God everyday to give him this gift (he wants to go skiing in Steamboat Springs). AND the hiring process for his BOA (Branch Office Assistant) went quicker and smoother than I could have imagined - resulting in hiring Carol!!!!!

I cannot contain my amazement and praise. I feel like I'm bursting with thankfulness and excitement for the future. I know that it is not likely that life is going to be automatically easy street from here on out, but I feel like there is definitely hope and I can identify clear answers to prayer... and perhaps I can go grocery shopping without feeling guilty.

I also feel like everything that we hoped EJ would be is finally - gradually - happening. I'm hoping to be skiing in March with a bunch of other EJ families and we're hoping to take the girls to Yosemite next July. The trips are becoming more reality than desperate wishes:)

Not only that, but Dave is forming REAL relationships with many of his clients - they invite our family over for dinner, they are becoming part of our family. And he has just hired an assistant that we know will complement his business very well and will also become part of our family (I'm basically out of my mind excited about Carol!)

God is Good. He has carried us through it all and provided oil in our jars even when we thought we'd run out. He listens and loves me even though I'm a whiney ungrateful brat. For that I am forever thankful.