Running

I've gotten myself into quite a situation with this and I'm not sure what to do about it. Pretty much life as usual with me includes a lot of self-discipline and then often sliding to the extreme.

I started running a year ago. At that time I couldn't even run a mile without taking a break. But I was determined to become a RUNNER. I didn't want to just run for exercise, I wanted to be a runner. Up until that point I had done some running on the treadmill as exercise, but I always did intervals because I couldn't stand the boredom and pain of endurance running. Around this time last year, though, I began to run outside and it changed me dramatically.

My 3 mile route became a challenge that I just couldn't beat - and began to feel like a puzzle I couldn't figure out. My brain was working overtime analyzing anything and everything about how I ran and how I could do better. Ultimately my problem was that my heart was beating too fast - my body could handle things, but my heart rate was getting too high and I'd have to stop. I didn't know how to change that, but I continued to work on running a little further every time before I stopped to walk.

In the meantime I was able to drop the last 5 pounds of pregnancy weight and my body was changing to become more athletic, fit and healthy. Soon I added more mileage and was running 5 miles at a time. Somehow I had it in my head that truly fit people ran 5 miles - not 3 - so this was fantastic.

I am a weather wimp, though, so as it got colder I started running on the treadmill more and more. Until finally that was all I was doing. But I was running 5 miles 3 times each week and then adding a mile each Saturday morning until I had gotten up to 7.75 miles without a break and 9 miles total. In April, Dave and I ran a 5k at Calvin. It was my first and I sucked - I didn't run even 1 mile straight. I finished and found a corner in the field house and cried for 15 minutes - I had worked SO hard at becoming a RUNNER and was unable to string together even 1 mile.

From that point on I have been running outside again - time to stop being wimpy and get over it. First 4 miles on a hilly route. Then turning that into 5 pretty comfortably. Pretty soon I was running 8 miles on Saturday and if I had to run on the treadmill due too weather it was 10 miles. I have to say, I was quite proud of myself not to mention I could basically eat anything I wanted to eat.

I had an awesome 8-10 mile run in Lake Geneva at the end of June and then took a week off to rest. Since then I have had nagging injuries to my shins and my ankles and I'm not sure what to do about them. Basically I've been a mental case about running... I don't want to gain weight, so I'm reluctant to stop or back down my mileage (I now have it in my head that 20 miles per week is best).

I'm worried, though, that I'm in a cycle that is only going to get worse - if I can do this many, well then I should be able to do this many and pretty soon I'm doing a ridiculous number of miles every week that are completely unnecessary to achieve good health. I have no notion of doing a marathon - I have a goal of running 15 miles by next April, but am beginning to wonder why I want to do that:)

Somehow, I need to get back to focusing on being healthy. I would like to lose 5 pounds, but don't think I can do that while I'm running so many miles (because I get so hungry and know I can eat whatever I want). I suspect that I might not be eating enough calories to maintain this amount of activity, which probably also contibutes to injuries and fatigue. I think that I'm going to need to rejoin Weight Watchers and retrain myself on how to eat and exercise. I need to remember that I AM a runner now, I don't need to go to this extreme... running 3 miles is just fine.

Its a new day

Freewriting is sometimes the most therapeutic thing in the world for me...



School starts tomorrow. I am so excited. Not because I'm getting rid of a kid everyday, but because IIIIII NEEEEEDDD structure and some routine in my life. The last two weeks have been a swirl of nothingness for me. We have essentially done nothing all day. We have done some fun things in the evenings, but nothing all day and it has really gotten to me. Georgia can't hang out in the front/next door for longer than a couple of minutes without me being out there (because I don't feel comfortable with it) so I would sit outside starting between 10 and 11 in the morning until lunch time and then back out until 2/2:30. I would spend about an hour-90 minutes inside while she napped, but head back out between 3 & 3:30 and get her up around 4:30/5:00. I spent most of the time reading or chatting with Michelle, but the only thing getting done in the house was the kitchen (several times a day) and the laundry. The house was a giant mess and I felt like my life was spinning and I had nothing solid to hold onto. Its a weird description - there weren't any problems, just a general sense of disorder. So i'm looking forward to the order, routine, structure of school days.

I'm very excited for Nora to start 1st grade. She needs to go back to school pretty badly. I think she is getting pretty bored around home. She loves playing with Nolan all day, but I think she is ready to begin learning again. This summer has been good for her - for all of them. They have played outside almost everyday. They have had so much fun with Nate and Nolan. They have gone on a family vacation, have had grandma babysit, have done 4 weeks of swim lessons, have met new kids and made new friends (the Karner's, the Sidlowski's), they've gone to the beach, gone to the zoo, tried Chinese food, they've had so much fun at the weekly FFFSN and have strengthened friendships with Jake, Luke and Jonah. We've done a lot this summer. And I'm hoping next summer is going to be even better as we try to go downtown one day a week on the train and explore new things. I can't wait to start doing that.

I start babysitting Nick tomorrow morning. It has caused me some internal stress in the last two weeks. Not because I don't think I can handle it, but because everything about it is unknown for me. I don't have a clear idea of what the drop off/pick up schedule will be right now, the first week is going to be a bit crazier, I don't know how HE is going to be, I don't know how I'm supposed to take care of him - let him sleep whenever/however long he wants? Feed him on demand? Try to get him on a loose schedule? Am I going to have to hold him all day? Is he going to sleep longer than 20 minutes at a time? Is this going to disrupt our lives more than its worth? Is it going to affect our friendship with John and Michelle at all? I haven't been sleeping very well for the last two weeks and I think all of this unknown is the reason.

I also want to begin working on some personal goals this week.We are getting rid of the TV for the month of September. We're going to actually physically remove it and put it in the basement for the month. I'm excited to see what kind of affect this has on us as a family, but I'm also a bit nervous about what the heck I'm going to do during the day and if I'm going to miss it in the evening. I will simply have to find other things to do and not get upset about missing the season premiers of our favorite tv shows.

I am also going to cut out sugar for the month of September. I'm not going so far as being fanatical about whether or not there is sugar in the foods that I eat, but I'm cutting out sweets - no more potty treats, no cookies, no desserts, no ice cream before bed.

I want to lose 10-15 pounds by October 10th. Right now I weigh between 126-129 (those three pounds make a big difference on me). I would like to be down to 115 by our anniversary. I'm not even entirely sure that it is possible for me to lose that much by then, but I'm going to give it my all. I need to be diligent in counting my points and I need to be diligent in counting points and drinking water over the weekend.

I am going to start reading and journaling on The Five Love Languages. I want to be more present in life (another vague feeling I've had for the last couple of weeks - the disorder and the feeling of just going with life rather than being intentional in how I live it). I want to focus on love. Loving God and loving others. How do I do that best?

And I need to spend this first half of the school year figuring out what I need to do in order to start nursing school in a few years. I'll need to get my transcripts evaluated and start putting plans together to take some prerequisite courses. I would like to start taking classes next semester, but I guess that all depends on how life with Nick goes.

And I'm thinking of taking a yoga class on Tuesday nights. I sent out an email to all the women I know in the area asking if anyone wanted to join me. So far I have only heard from one friend and that was a No. I would really like to do it, I just need to register and get a sticky mat and something to wear. I'm going to suck at it, but I will learn.

I'm going to be a better runner by the end of the month, too. I'm already better than I was a month ago, but I will be even better by the end of September. Dave and I will be able to run together in Cabo and that is very exciting to me!

I want to find some gymnastics/tumbling classes for Nora and Ryann. I don't know if we can afford it, but they really, really want to do it and I want to give them the opportunity to find out if it is something they love. I also want to have Nora start piano lessons after the holidays. I was playing the piano this week and thinking about how soothing it is for me to sit down and just play. It isn't work. It is a love and I am so thankful that I have a piano to play on even if it isn't the best quality. I made it a goal of mine to buy each one of them a piano after they get married. I would absolutely hate it if I did not have a piano in the house and I don't want them to live without one, either.

I believe Georgia and I will be spending one afternoon a week with one of Dave's clients who is ill - stage 3 lung cancer. His wife is his primary care giver and they have no children and no family to give her a break. I offered to go and sit with him for an afternoon each week so she can get some errands done. I have never met them, but I know Dave is as close to them as he can be with a client. It is important for him and it is important for me to start giving back. Georgia is finally at an age where I can take her to do this kind of stuff and she will only get easier and more able to go with me - it is time for me to finally start giving of myself to others and this is one way that I can start. I would also like to start volunteering in the girls' classes in some way - much will depend on scheduling between Nick and Mr. Trier.

I have a lot to look forward to in the next couple of months. I'm actually very excited to be babysitting Nick. It will be nice to have a baby in the house that I can give back at the end of the day. I look forward to structure, better mealtimes, soccer games, homework, bus in the morning and waiting for it in the afternoon, sitting with Mr. Trier and getting to know him, learning more about myself and how to love more intentionally, getting to know God more. A lot to look forward to.

B4L

So as a birthday present to myself I am getting in shape:) I've been there before - twice. I was also working pretty diligently on getting there again last summer and fall. But then Halloween hit. It was a Tuesday. I decided I was going to cheat a little at the Halloween party so I didn't eat much during the day. By the time I got to the party I was so hungry - I just completely lost all control and never gained it back - until April 2.

I haven't gained any of the weight back that I lost last summer, so I would say congratulations to me on maintaining and not gaining in the last 5 months. Ideally I would like to lose another 15 pounds, but I'm trying not to focus on an actual number as it makes no sense for me to do so - I've been at that number before and it was as difficult to find clothes in a size 4/6 as it is in a size 10/12. My problem areas were still my problem areas, just in a smaller size. So I'm trying to focus on being healthy and changing my lifestyle in accordance with that goal.

Working out became kind of a chore in the last 5 months. We both were doing it, but I never felt like I was getting a good enough workout - like breaking a major sweat, heart racing workout. Mostly due to the fact that our preferred methods of exercise were out of the question... Our treadmill broke last August and we can't afford to replace it (although I'm dying to do so) and it was too dark and cold to go to the stairs until recently. My in-laws bought us a recumbant exercise bike for Christmas and we were very excited about it, but we both found that we didn't feel that we got the same kind of hard workout from it. But we were diligent in exercising and lifting weights 5-6 times each week - until the flu hit.

We took a 3 week break - not a good thing:)

On Monday (April 2) Cornbread, my sister and my brother-in-law all started Body For Life. For those of you who don't know what it is I will try to summarize in bullet points:
* 12 week exercise and eating/training program
* 3 days of interval cardio workouts (20 minutes each) per week
* 3 days of weight lifting (45 minutes each) per week
* "diet" consists of 6 small meals a day - each meal has a portion of protein, a portion of carbs and at least 2 meals have a portion of vegetables. Proteins and Carbs should be from the approved list of foods (basically lean proteins and complex carbs).
* Drink 2 cups of water with each meal and before or during each workout (Thats 14 cups of water every day - I am basically in the bathroom peeing all day now - just in case you call and I don't answer the phone... that is likely where I am).
* encouraged to use protein shakes and bars as replacements for a meal or two a day
* 1 free day each week - no exercise and you can eat whatever you want, however much you want, whenever you want for the entire day

I think that is basically it. If you look on the website you can find some before and after photos that are pretty amazing. I'm not saying I'm totally buying the idea that all of those people made that kind of transformation in only 12 weeks, but I am buying the idea that within the 12 weeks you can significantly change your body for the better and your habits/lifestyle for the better. Its all a matter of sticking with it, being consistent and going to the end. At the end, then, you should be in the habit of living that way - and it should be natural to continue.

So we'll see how this turns out. I've taken my measurements and have committed to myself to not weigh myself or measure myself more than once every two weeks. I'm hoping that I will see real progress that way... Cornbread keeps reminding me that we need to take our before photos - I'm not so eager to do that, and I haven't quite decided whether or not I want to share those on the blog. On the one hand, I feel like if I post the photos I will be committed to push through to the end because I've gone "public" with my before stuff and I'll be embarassed if there is no change at the end. On the other hand, who really wants to publish photos of themselves 15 - 20 pounds overweight in a bikini for the whole world to see? But then again, if the transformation is amazing and I am truly, truly the hottest dutch girl in Chicago at the end, then why wouldn't I want to show the before and after photos? I'm still thinking about all of that... and the power of positive thinking tells me that I WILL be the hottest dutch girl in Chicago by June 23, 2007;)

I'm going to give you a bit of foreshadowing - you will not want to miss my post describing our first free day. First of all, it is going to be on Easter and we are going to Easter Brunch. Second, if this first free day is anything like the last time we did BFL (I got pregnant with Ryann in the middle, so we never completed the 12 weeks), you will be amazed at the quantity of food that I can and will consume. Just wait:)

I started a new blog to journal about the experience. If you would like to follow my progress, please feel free to do so. I'm just warning you though - you're going to be in awe of my hotness at the end of this:)

Mmmmmm.... Brownies

These could possibly be the best brownies EVER. Ever.

Swirled Turtle Brownies
1 1/3 c. flour
3/4 c. Baking cocoa
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
3/4 c. butter, softened
1 1/2 c. packed brown sugar
2 tsp. vanilla
2 eggs
1 2/3 c. Toll House swirled Milk chocolate & caramel morsels, divided
1 c. chopped pecans, divided
1/3 c. caramel sauce (optional - per me:)

Preheat oven to 325. Grease 13x9-inch baking pan.

Combine flour, cocoa, baking soda and salt in a small bowl. Beat butter, sugar and vanilla in large mixer bowl until creamy (and delicious). Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Gradually beat in flour mixture. Stir in 3/4 cup morsels and 1/2 cup nuts. Spread into prepared baking pan. Sprinkle remaining morsels and nuts over top.

Bake for 25-30 minutes or until toothpick inserted 2 inches from outer edge comes out clean. Cool completely in pan on wire rack. Drizzle with caramel sauce before cutting into squares.

Devour completely in one sitting before anyone else has a chance to steal one from you.

I didn't have caramel sauce, so I omitted it and let me tell ya, they didn't need it. I can only imagine how orgasmic these would have been with the caramel sauce, though. Wow. And I HATE NUTS - especially in my brownies and cookies (Gram:). But boy oh boy, they were good in these brownies. Mmmm. Yummy. I ate too many, and we'll see what the results of that were on Friday's weigh in;)

6 week offensive - redeux

So I was dumb and started that 6 week offensive plan a week before the 4th of July. What? Hello? Why didn't any of you kind people tell me how dumb that was? My biggest problem with losing weight right now is that there is always some kind of event that messes my momentum up - Memorial Day BBQ, 4th of July, vacation, the summer regional, etc. etc. So why in the world did I start one week before the 4th? Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Lesson learned. I did good for that first week, then lost it last week... I'm starting over:)

So I started again today. My plan is the same, but I have two additions: The end date (the end of the 6 weeks) and my current weight.

Lets review the goals:

Workout: Stairs or Running + PT exercises, 6 days/week
Water: At least 64 oz per day
WW Points: 20-22 pts per day
Bed: 10:30pm
No eating after 9pm

Current Weight: 144.8
Goal Weight: 120.0 (dream weight: 110)
Weight to Lose: 24.8 (dream: 34.8)

End of 6 weeks: August 19, 2006
Goal to lose 24.8 pounds: October 10, 2006

We'll see how it goes - I'll keep you posted:)

6 week offensive - Week 2 Day 1

Monday, July 3, 2006

Beginning of week 2 of The Plan.

Workout: Week 2 Workout 1 of the Couch to 5k running schedule. Ran a total of 2.25 miles, total 25:00. Did not do physical therapy exercises because I was supposed to go to PT this afternoon. I ended up canceling my appointment - oops:)

Water: 64 oz

Points: Not sure, but pretty certain I went over. Its soooo hard to count points during holiday weekends.

Bed: Not sure yet, but may be up later because of holiday tomorrow and can get up later

Food after 9pm: Slipped on this one and had an ice cream bar (skinny cow - 2pts) around 9:20.

I figure that if I at least work out today and tomorrow I'm doing well. Holidays are hard.

6 week offensive - Week 1 recap

Overall the week went well. I did NOT work out on Saturday morning as I had intended to do. I went out with some friends to a mexican place downtown on Friday night. We sat on the patio until midnight and I didn't get home until 1:30, was too wound up to go right to sleep and finally went to sleep at 2am. All of that equals No work out for Jana on Saturday morning. Other than that, I kept up with the plan pretty well. I should increase my water drinking this week and follow my points a little closer. Am happy to have one week under my belt and looking forward to the next 5 - I really do like to exercise, its just a matter of getting started, so good job me!

6 week offensive - Week 1 Day 4

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Workout: Swallow Cliff. 6 round trips up and down the stairs. Brought the dog with me. He made the same 6 trips, we ran 1/4 mile back to the car. Got home and he insisted on going running with Dave almost immediately after we got home. Evidently, Swallow Cliff is not a big workout for Woof.

Water: Only 56 oz

WW Points: 19

Bed: 10:15 (watched So You Think You Can Dance on Tivo. It was the Live results show and the tivo cut off right before they announce which boy would be leaving this week. I have been frantically trying to find out since then, but I still don't know if it was Ben or Jamyz. I'm a loser by the way).

Eating after 9pm: I think I was finishing my ice cream sandwich a couple of minutes after 9, but I didn't start eating anything new after 9.

Good Day again overall. I feel much more motivated with other areas of my life right now - all connected. I'm happy to be back on track with all of this:)

6 week offensive - Week 1 Day 3

Wednesday -

Up at 6:15am to do couch to 5k run. Ran/walked a total of 1.75miles in 25:00.

Physical Therapy exercises - 30:00

WW points - I think around 15 and I think this is the reason why I'm not losing weight - need to get better at eating all of my points each day.

Water - at least 64 oz

Bed - 10:15 (watched America's Got Talent again. Uh, people in NewYork have just a little bit more talent than the people in LA, but lets not get too excited - they really aren't very talented).

Was very sore in the morning - my calves were burning when I got out of bed and took a few steps. Running felt good, although I figured out that I did the couch to 5k thing wrong on Monday, so I had to run an extra 5 minutes (Ugh!).

6 week offensive - Week 1 Day 2

Day 2 of The Plan:

Woke up at 5am and went to Swallow Cliff to climb the stairs. (Swallow Cliff is a forest preserve in Palos Park that has a 4 chute toboggan slide. To get to the top one needs to climb 120 uneven stone stairs.) I climbed the stairs 6 times and had a new respect for the shape I was in 3 years ago (I used to run the stairs 10 times, taking them 2 at a time).

Went to Physical Therapy in the evening and had a second workout. My Physical Therapist kicks my arse. I was sweating and huffing for an hour. She's having me do core stregnthening exercises - lots of lunges and ab work.

WW points - 20

Water - 80oz

Bed - 9:45 (watched America's Got Talent on tivo. Its quite apparent that America does not have talent and neither do David Hasselhoff or Brandy).

I think thats it - good day. I was so sore by the time I got to PT, I told Kristina that I would not do any running on the treadmill for her. My legs were toast from the stairs. I'm feeling really good about this!

6 week offensive - Week 1 Day 1

Yesterday was day 1 of The Plan.

Lets review the daily goals:
*Exercise
*Drink 8 glasses (64oz) of water
*Eat 18-20 WW points
*No eating after 9pm
*In bed by 10:30pm
*Up at 5:30/6am

Day 1 -
Did the couch potato run (W1D1). It was good. Felt good to be running again. Total distance: 1.45 miles. Total time: 20 minutes.
Physical Therapy exercises.
Drank 8 glasses of water (Amanda, I lied yesterday when I said I had had 2 glasses by 4pm - the glasses I drank were 16oz each - only got up once during the night)
Looked at the clock at 8:46pm and thought, "Crap, need to go get my ice cream sandwich." Next time I looked at the clock I thought, "Oh, I can give in this one time - its the first night after all. I need to gradually build to this one." I didn't eat the ice cream sandwich (yea me!). After thinking all of that, I added up my WW points and realized I didn't have enough for the ice cream anyway.
Points: 20.5
Was in bed by 9:45. Dave and I watched 3 hours of So You Think You Can Dance on Tivo and were done by 11:15. Yes, its a bad show, but the White Sox had the night off and there was NOTHING on. Stupid summer reruns.
Was up at 5am this morning.

So all in all W1D1 was very good. I was sore this morning, but I expected it - and its a good sore, you know?

6 week offensive

Dave and I have decided to go on a 6 week offensive. We are going to hit it hard for 6 weeks in terms of diet and exercise. We have both had a really hard time getting back into shape after Georgia was born and both have some weight to lose. So we have decided to challenge ourselves for 6 weeks - we can do it for 6 weeks, right? And then alter the workouts after that.

Dave's plan is to run 6 days/week instead of running 3 days and lifting weights for 3 days. I don't know what his plan is re: diet.

Here is my 6 week offensive plan:

Couch to 5k running plan - 3 days per week
Physical Therapy exercises on running days
Body For Life weight training - 3 days per week or perhaps climbing stairs at Swallow Cliff 3 days / week (haven't decided yet)
Drink 8 glasses of water each day
Eat 18-20 weight watchers points per day
No eating after 9pm
In bed at 10:30pm
Up at 5:30/6:00am

Ultimate goal weight: 120lbs
Need to lose: Somewhere between 20-25 pounds

I will let you know how it goes. I would post my weight, however, I don't know what my accurate weight is right now after our weekend away and the excessive cheating I did over the weekend:)

Week 1 Day 1 - June 26, 2006
*Couch potato run, workout 1 week 1 - ran/walked a total of 1.45 miles in 20 minutes.
*physical therapy exercises - basically exercises using a fitness ball and fitness bands and a lot of different lunges to strengthen my core muscles in the hopes of strengthening that "girdle" that holds the spinal disks in.
*so far (4pm) 2 glasses of water (uh oh)

I guess I'll have to post today's info tomorrow. Just so you know - I don't really think that you are interested in any of this info, it is more for myself and a way to keep myself accountable to "someone" other than myself. However, if you feel a need to comment or encourage, or join in (anyone?) please do!!

I also want to get my bible verse memorization going again. I need to pick out a verse for this week and get working on it. Some of you may think that I'm taking on a lot all at once, but this is how it works best for me - I tend to be better disciplined in all areas if I'm disciplined in all areas (does that make sense?). How about you? Are you better at trying to become disciplined in one area and not stressing about other areas in your life or are you like me - need to do all of it at once?

Whats the deal? (2/20/06)

Alright, I'm ticked. I have been faithfully watching what I eat - eating enough to continue nursing, but not going overboard. I have stayed within my point limit each day (weight watchers) and have not done any cheating. I worked out on 5 mornings last week (one less than my usual 6, missed a day due to Georgia's poor sleeping pattern). I did Tae Bo 3 days and lifted weights for 45 minutes 2 days. I have been drinking the necessary amounts of water each day. I have altered my diet so that I am getting most of my points through good, healthy food, rather than try to fill in points with sugary, sweet food. So why the HECK did I GAIN .4 this week??? So far my 4 week journey goes like this:
Week 1: -3.6
Week 2: No change
Week 3: -.8
Week 4: +.4

What?? I get so frustrated with the whole nursing situation. It is important - very important and not to mention free. HOWEVER, it is so frustrating for me. I need to drink enough water, but not TOO MUCH water. Going to the extreme in either direction diminishes the amount of milk one produces. Great - so what is the PERFECT amount of water to drink? I need to eat enough calories to produce milk, but if I eat too many calories, I will gain weight... So what is the exact amount of food that I need to eat? I'm eating healthy and am trying to balance my eating throughout the day - in other words, I have a tendency to not eat much during the day and then try to eat all the rest of my points at night before I go to bed. I have been intentionally trying to spread my points out through the day so that I'm not trying to eat 10 points before I go to bed.

So what do I need to do differently? So frustrated. So frustrated. Am going to Florida the first week of May and desperately do NOT want to be 30 lbs overweight when we go. Ideally would like to at least be able to see my ankles and perhaps not have fat hanging off of my waist. And I REALLY do not want to have to buy a "fat wardrobe" for Florida. I understand that I just had a baby, buy I'm really not enjoying being fat. I know it is my own fault for eating all of that ice cream while I was pregnant, but it was soooo good and soooo fun and Raegan was shoving it down my throat:) Ahhhhgg!

I'm going to chalk it all up to the fact that I'm so strong and have so much muscle and am so buff - you know, muscle weighs more than fat.

Okay - so any ideas from anyone? Do I cut my points? Currently I'm allowed 30 points per day because I'm nursing (normally I would get 20/day). Should I try to cut them down to 28? 26? Should I try to increase them to 32 (sometimes eating a little more increases the metabolism)? Should I stick to it and hope that things start changing? Should I change my workouts (currently 3 days of tae bo - 35 minutes each - and 3 days of heavy weight lifting - 2 days arms, 1 day legs, and vice versa - arms = 45 minutes, legs = 30 minutes)?

I know I'm ranting and probably not making much sense, but I'm very sick of being fat.

Weight Watchers

When I had Georgia, I came home from the hospital and had not lost a single pound. I'm going to be daring and reveal my weights here... See how vulnerable I am? When I went into the hospital on Wednesday, November 9th I weighed 166 - a gain of 41 pounds. When I came home on Friday, November 11th, I weighed 166. What??? Georgia weighed 7lbs 9 oz and I didn't even lose that... Over the next 2 weeks I gradually lost the water weight and got down to 148 - Better, but not what I had hoped. I gave it 6 weeks - I didn't work out, I didn't worry about what I was eating. No change. After 6 weeks Dave and I both began to work out. No change. So last week I began Weight Watchers. Weighed in on Monday (last week): 153.8 - yes, thats right. Again I have managed to GAIN weight while nursing. One week of WW down... weighed in yesterday: 149.2!!! Yea! A loss of 3.6 pounds. Florida, here comes the hottie!