Monday, May 17, 2010

My lovely friend, Skooks, prodded me about this little blog. I know I've been absent and mainly its because I've got nothing to say right now. Life, for me, is kind of in a spin cycle and its driving me mad. Not the kind of spin cycle that most people have - a totally crazy, driving all over creation, bringing kids from here to there kind of cycle... my spin cycles are along the lines of not having a complete thought, not reading, not feeling like I have accomplished anything for days and days and days, reacting to life instead of living it. I hate these periods and yet it seems like I go through them more frequently than I would like.


I'm kind of grumpy this morning.

Let me back up a little bit... Cornbread and I trained for a half marathon this year. We started in January and the culmination was the race in Indy last weekend. It was incredible. I loved the training and I did so much better in the race than I could have ever allowed myself to imagine (for a detailed post about the race or posts regarding the training, see my bfl blog). BUT the downside to the training is that I could eat anything and everything I wanted to. This is good mostly, but for me the lack of discipline in my diet creates havoc in my soul. Although I may sound like a control freak, I'm not - I don't feel compelled to control anything, I just like discipline, order and routine - my life feels better that way. And when I'm lacking, I feel disordered.

So anyway, the race was last weekend. And because there was no distinct training plan after that I had little to no motivation to workout last week. I ran a little bit - 5 on Monday, 5 on Wednesday and 3.5 on Thursday - but motivation was nil. And any discipline I may have had with my diet before then (which was little) went straight out the window. SO last night I created a workout plan for the weeks between now and the start of the training for the next race (September 25). I geared myself up to get up early to workout this morning and then...

I woke up at 2:30am. WIDE AWAKE. Like there is no chance on earth that I would be falling asleep any time soon. At 3:15 I began to count. By 4:00 I had gotten to 700 and was very upset. I was supposed to get up at 4:45 to go to the gym... that was making me extra happy. I finally went downstairs and read a few pages in my book and fell asleep until 6:45.

And now I'm grumpy. Today was the day to start being disciplined again. And then I have sleep troubles. And I usually solve my sleeping issues by working out. And I started babysitting again so I can't go to the gym in the afternoon while the girls are at school. So now I have to figure something else out. Its fine. It is what it is. But I'm grumpy.

Thats just the specifics about today. In general, I'm a bit grumpy about my reactionary life. I really like my job and it has been a great blessing to us - financially - but it is difficult in the respect that my mornings are segmented into short segments and its hard to get anything accomplished in those small segments. I can't run errands in those short (20 minute) segments either, so I have to do it in the afternoon... Its hard to explain, but suffice it to say that I'm struggling with some disorder in the home and in my brain. And I hate.that.

So perhaps if I begin blogging again, I can prod myself to more discipline and order in general.
Let the blogging (re)begin.


Mommy Brain 11:29 AM  

You are the best!

Skooks 10:29 AM  

Glad to have you back. My mind is a jumble and has been since we found out back at the start of March that we were going to have to move. I'm all over the place and it is a crazy feeling. I am a weird sleeper in general, but lately I'm keeping college hours and it drives me nuts. Maybe I can be normal again in about a month when I'm moved into my new house. Hopefully.

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