Wednesday, January 31, 2007

If I were Queen of the world

If I were queen of the world (qotw) I think I would run things a little differently. I never will be queen of anything, let alone qotw so we don't have to worry, but a girl can dream.

If I were qotw I would make it mandatory that newly married couples spend one year not working, living together, being supported by the parents of the couple. The newlyweds could spend the entire year just living and breathing each other. Getting to know eachother on a level that we can't imagine.

If I were qotw I would make a law that people would not have to begin working until their kids are old enough to go to college. That way parents wouldn't have a choice - they would HAVE to spend time with their kids for 18 years. They wouldn't be caught up in their careers, their job stresses, their financial stresses, etc - they could wholely focus and concentrate on their kids. (btw - this is not an indictment against working moms and dads, just something that I wish could happen for our family). By the time your children are in college you would go to work to begin saving for the one year of married bliss that your newly married children will have - you will save your entire income for the 4 years that your first child is in college. After that first child graduates, you would then work to support your child, the spouse and eventually your grandchildren. Remember - YOUR parents did this for you, so its the least your could do for your children (their grandchildren).

If I were qotw I would make a law that grandparents MUST live near their grandchildren - even if their children move the grandchildren far away from them. The grandparents MUST pick up and move near the children and grandchildren. The grandparents will not live with the children, however, they will help out as much as possible without complaining - because remember, their parents did the same for them.

If I were qotw I would make a law that all children who are talking non-stop must go to school for 6 hours every day - with no exceptions. It doesn't matter what age the child begins to talk non-stop, they will go to school all day every day.

If I were qotw I would make a law that money is earned by how much positive impact you have on other peoples' lives, not based on how much money you can earn for other people. Teachers would make loads and loads of money. The CEO of an oil company would not.

If I were qotw I would make a law that fuzzy dogs were not allowed to sit on clean laundry.

If I were qotw I would make a law that every family in the world would have a personal chef who would not only cook, but menu plan, grocery shop, count calories, and be a nutritional guide for the family so the mom wouldn't have to worry about it.

If I were qotw there would be no medical expenses. All doctor's visits, medications, procedures, and general care would be 100% free so people would not have to think twice about bringing their children (or themselves) to the doctor. People would not have to consider the cost of surgery if they needed to have an organ transplant. People would not have to consider the cost of a prescription if they thought they MIGHT have an ear infection. No medical expenses.

If I were qotw there would be a law that all customer service people would remember to be kind to the customer - and the customer would remember to be kind to the customer service person.

If I were qotw there would be a law that people would not be judged on their appearances, but by their substance. That women in particular would be highly regarded for their intelligence, their sense of humor, their skills, their interests - rather than their bodies, their faces and their hair.

If I were qotw any magazine publisher or television producer who furthered the idea that in order to be desirable or perfect a young girl must be 20 lbs underweight would be put in maximum security prison.

If I were qotw the word fat as a description of any person would be outlawed.

If I were qotw people would no longer be allowed to be stupid or irresponsible just because "that is just how so and so is."


I'm sure many people are happy that I'm not qotw - most of all me. I certainly would not want that responsibility, but it is fun to dream - isn't it?

QOTD: If you were Queen of the World (or King of the World) what laws would you make?

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

One word:

I like bananas, but I do not like the flavor of banana

Am I weird? I understand - yes, that is a given, but am I the only one who is like this? Really?

Bananas... I used to hate them. I used to gag when I would try to eat one. Something about the texture just made me gag. And given the fact that I don't like the flavor of banana, I figured it all was a sign that I shouldn't eat bananas.

However, before I left for Honduras I decided that it might be essential for me to tolerate or perhaps even enjoy eating a banana, since they would be so plentiful while we were there (and I didn't know what else would be available). So I forced myself to start eating them. I taught myself to like them. And within days I found out that they were actually good - and they didn't taste like the flavor of banana.

I love bananas, but the best ones are the ones that are very slightly green. They aren't mushy, they aren't really ripe, but a little green. Although I will eat them when they are more ripe than that, but they are not nearly as enjoyable.

The other lesson I learned in my pursuit of banana enjoyment is that I need to peel the little strings left behind by the peel. Do you know what I'm talking about? The stringy fiber things that you see on the banana after you've peeled it. Those still make me gag. They just have a texture that bothers me.

Before I taught myself to like bananas, I found out that monkeys open them the opposite way as humans - they open them from what you would consider the bottom - the non-stem end. And so, since that is how the real banana eaters do it, that is how I began doing it... and I think people think I'm kind of strange for doing it that way, but really, do I care?

Banana flavor, though. Not a fan. Taffy, suckers, jelly beans... and that is about the extent of banana flavored items, isn't it? The flavoring just doesn't taste the same as the real thing. Its kind of artificial. Oh and gross.

What is your favorite fruit?

getting to know me in 100 days - day 25

Sunday, January 28, 2007

I like the flavor of cherry, but I do not like cherries

Everything comes in cherry flavor, doesn't it? Suckers, candy, medicine, soda, shakes, what else? Seems like you can get cherry flavored anything. And I like it. I mean, its not my absolute favorite flavor in the world, but I can handle it if it is the only thing available.

Cherries, the fruit, on the other hand, I just don't like. I'm not sure why. They don't really seem to have a flavor... I certainly don't think they taste like the cherry flavoring that is used to flavor the things I listed above. Am I wrong on this? Have I not tried enough cherries to know?

Unfortunately you can get both in the same food. Black forest ice cream or cake, for example. Nothing better than that for me - as long as you leave the chunks of cherry-the-fruit out of it. Chocolate Cherry shakes from Rainbow Grill. Mmmmm. But I order them without the actual cherries so I don't have to be rude and spit them out after I've sucked them up through my straw. The chunks of cherries just ruin it for me.

Maybe it is the texture I don't like - in combination with the lack of flavor. Perhaps the pits inside that make eating any and every cherry a chore. Could be the fact that I just can't seem to tie the stem into a knot inside my mouth - maybe THATS why I'm anti-cherry-the-fruit. I'll go with that.

What is your favorite FLAVOR - you know, like flavoring for things like soda, shakes, etc? BESIDES chocolate:)

getting to know me in 100 days - day 24

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

I'm a mind reader - you did't know?

I know what you're thinking.

"Its 2 months away, but I wonder what Jana wants for her 31st birthday."

I'm glad you're thinking that, because I have just the right suggestion. You might think about spending a measly $5.95 on a Calvin Alumni Mug with a Seal, perhaps a Calvin snowman Christmas ornament would be more suitable, or if you're truly splurging anything in the Women's clothing section would be more than appreciated.

Just something to think about.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

I've been tagged

Alright - I've been tagged by Heaven Sent and her little beauty Emma, so here we go - All you wanted to know about me from A-Z:

A- Available or married? Married for 8 years last October, dated for 2 before that - so 10 years I've been with this guy... wow is that a long time:)

B- Best Friend? I actually am blessed beyond anything I could have hoped for by having many best friends - I guess thats just who I am... I have many very good, close friends and very few surface-level kind of friends. I'm just not that interested in that kind of relationship. Anyway here are my best friends in alphabetical order: Cara, Carissa, Cornbread, Doug, Jenny, Kim, Raegan. But you should all know by now that Kim is my Best Friend in the Whole World. (I sure hope I didn't leave anyone out:)

C- Cake or Pie? Neither - I choose cookies for C.

D- Drink of Choice? Hmmmm. I don't normally like to drink calories so I drink coffee or water all day. However, if I'm splurging I will choose red wine.

E - Essential Item? What does this mean? What do I always have with me? What do I feel I should always have with me? Not sure about my answer to this since I really don't have anything like that... I'm going to answer - Pockets, so that I can put stuff in them as I find it around the house or so I can put my receipts in them when I go to the store. I really, really am at a loss when I'm wearing pants that do not have pockets. So I guess pockets are essential to me:)

F- Favorite Color? Anyone who has visited my house would know that my favorite color is red. By far. Red.

G- Gummi Bears or Worms? Puh-lease... bears, hands down. The worms just don't taste the same. And if you really want to be specific I like the sour gummi bears the best.

H- Hometown? I guess I get double points on this since my hometown in Hudsonville, MI.

I- Indulgence? Right now my only indulgence is buying and using Proactive skincare. Its expensive, but I have been (basically) zit-free for months now and that has never happened before. Will try the Target equivalent to save money, but if it doesn't work, I'm going right back to proactive. And frankly, if it is good enough for Jessica Simpson, then that is reason enough for me to use it. Oh and my new indulgence is getting my hair highlighted at the local cosmetology school, because I was really hot before, but with the highlights, I'm smokin' hot;)

J- January or February? February - I feel like it takes me most of January to recover from Christmas and Nora's birthday.

K- Kids & names? I love their names:) Nora Grace, Ryann Joy and Georgia Nicole (but if I were starting over I would have named Nora something different that was a boyish name too... like Charlotte and called her Charlie or Francine and called her Frankie... but whatever. I guess I could call her Charlie now if I wanted to).

L- Life is incomplete without? wow... life is incomplete without... friends, phones, unlimited long-distance, Cornbread, my girls, coffee.

M- Marriage Date? October 10th

N- Number of Siblings? Just 1 - Cara. You know how people talk about friends being as close as sisters? Yeah, thats really not true - at least for me. The friendship I have with my sister is so different than any of the friendships I have with my girlfriends. It just isn't the same. I can't explain it - maybe its because you see each other in so many different ways while you're growing up, you experience life together forever. I've never known life without my sister (she's older). Maybe its because you go through long stretches of time (which I'm sure my parents thought would never end) where you hate each other and do anything and everything to annoy each other - and the fact that you know exactly what it is that will annoy each other.

O- Oranges or apples? apples - they're easier to eat

P- Phobias/Fears? Never had one of these before I was pregnant with Nora, but when I was pregnant with her I started having panic attacks when I was confined... so now I consider myself claustrophobic.

Q-Favorite Quote? The best hugs are the ones that squish (I made that up myself - I'm pretty awesome, eh?)

R- Reason to Smile? Cornbread, Peek, Sweets and Bug

S- Season? Fall

T- Tag three people! Hmmmm. I would definitely tag BFWW, but she's been tagged already and I'm sure she's working really hard on hers as I type... so I'm going to tag A Little Off Key, Melissa:) and Mommy Brain.

U- Unknown fact about me: I'm pretty transparent and straightforward so I'm not sure there is an unknown fact about me... I'm thinking and I really can't come up with one.

W- Worst habit? putting things on top of the car when I'm putting the girls in the car... I think I've lost one of Dave's cd's that way and once I spilled coffee all over the car because of that.

Y- Your favorite food? (I think this is a pretty weak attempt at Y, just so you know... I think this would belong under F - Favorite Food, but I didn't make it up). I have lots of favorites - chinese, thai, mashed potatoes and corn, jello fluff, ice cream, cheesecake. I honestly can't pick one.

Z- Zodiac? Aries, the ram. I have no idea what that means.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

I drink my coffee black

I'm not sure there is much more to say than that. I drink my coffee black - what else can I say?

Probably like most people, I started drinking coffee in high school and with some sugar and cream - because it just seemed like that was the way to drink it. Doesn't everyone put cream and sugar in their coffee? Otherwise why would you be asked every time you ordered?
Eventually, though, I weaned myself off of cream and sugar - I believe it was more of a caloric issue than a taste issue, however, now I love. love. love the flavor of coffee and can't get enough of it.

I like rich, deep, dark, s.t.r.o.n.g. coffee. The darker the better.

I am not a huge fan of flavored coffee. I ocassionally enjoy a flavored creamer, but I'm not a fan of flavored coffee.

I do, however, enjoy a teeny, tiny sprinkle of cinnamon in my coffee from time to time. And by teeny, tiny, I mean barely a sprinkle. I've tried doctoring my coffee with the fun stuff they provide at Startbucks and it turned into a train wreck - I put too much of this in, so to counteract that, I'll add some of this.... the cycle repeated itself until I eventually crawled back to the counter begging for them to dump it out and give me a new one.

My favorite place to purchase coffee is from Trader Joes. Over the holidays I was drinking their winter blend which was a mixture of medium roasted whole beans with whole green and red peppercorns, whole cloves and whole cinnamon sticks. It was delicious.

Now my new favorite brew is Trader Joes' Bay Blend. It is a perfect immitation of Starbucks for a much, much cheaper price. Dave is also very much enjoying the Bay Blend.

My absolute favorite coffee, though, comes with a friend. Whether it is at my kitchen table with Dave on Saturday or Sunday morning for an hour or two, at my kitchen table with my girlfriends, at BFWW's island for 4 hours, or at a restaurant with a friend over breakfast or dessert, the best coffee - regardless of brand and additions - is the kind that comes with a friend (I would really like it if my coffee came with BFWW in Chicago on a daily basis... hint, hint).

So I drink my coffee black. And that is it - no cream, no sugar, no machiato, no latte, no whipped milk, no frappacino (although, those are very yummy once in a while), no tall, venti, or grande. On the very infrequent trips to Starbucks, I order a large decaf, black. Period. The barrista will say, "A venti?" And my response is, "Yeah, whatever - large decaf, black." Thats all I want.

If you drink coffee, how do you like it best? Are you particular? Are you a coffee snob or is Maxwell House just fine with you? What is your favorite Starbucks drink?

getting to know me in 100 days - day 23

Monday, January 15, 2007

I want to go back to school to become a nurse

When I had Nora - I mean really HAD her - delivered her - it was the first time I was ever a patient in a hospital. The first time I had been cared for by a nurse. And the first time I ever really knew what I wanted to do in life.

I had gotten my degree s already, but I never had a desire to use them or to pursue those fields. After I graduated I took a job as an administrative assistant at a computer consulting firm. I was successful there, I moved up quickly and I was good at what I did, but I never truly felt fulfilled and I'm not sure I ever would have. After I quit I never missed it once. I am good at that stuff, but is it a calling? I don't think it is for me.

However, after coming home from having Nora, I honestly felt like I knew what I was meant to do - I wanted to be a nurse. And I still want to be a nurse. I dream of it. It is my biggest dream/wish/desire for my personal/individual future. Someday when the girls are older, Dave's schedule allows it and we can afford it I will go back to school and get my nursing degree. Right now I want to be a labor and delivery nurse, but that may change in time. It won't matter to me as long as I am doing what I feel called to do.

Over the last year or so I have felt even more passionate about wanting to do this. For me, nursing is probably one of the biggest ways that a vocation and ministry can intersect. How better for me to be an extension of the hand of God than to physically touch people, help people and give them a cup of cold water. Literally. How can that not be ministry?

As I reexamine my role in church, my views of ministry and my personal belief system it becomes clearer and clearer to me all the time that this is what I am called to do. I am eager to get started, but know that it will be several years yet until I can even go back to school and then another couple of years until I'm actually working. I'm anxious, but I'm willing to wait.

What is your biggest dream for your personal/individual future?

getting to know me in 100 days - day 22

Monday, January 08, 2007

This (x2) cost me $9

(you can't really see it in the photo, but the stripes are red, green, yellow and orange)

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Happy Birthday Peek!

This post is generally for my own memory. If you do not want to read a labor and delivery story, please skip to the end and look at the pictures.

On January 5, 2002 I was very pregnant with our first baby. I was 34 1/2 weeks and I was big. And uncomfortable. And unhappy. I hated being pregnant and complained A LOT. I technically had 5 1/2 weeks left, but since it was my first baby I figured I would go 2 weeks overdue - so I had a looooong time left to be that uncomfortable. I was not happy.

That afternoon, Dave and I decided to go out for a date night before the baby came. We went to see Ocean's 11 because it is the best movie ever made, then went out for dinner and planned to do some shopping at Babies R Us afterward.

We wemt to Spaghetti Warehouse in Naperville for dinner. We were seated at our table, ordered our meals and were served our toasted ravioli. While discussingwho we would call from the hospital when the baby was born and whether or not I wanted an epidural (I didn't) or any other pain meds (I didn't), I felt a pop. I clearly felt a pop, but didn't think anything of it - I felt all kinds of weird things while I was pregnant so this was just another one. But this was different. At the risk of grossing anyone out... every time I moved in my chair or shifted my weight I felt fluid leaking. I had just gone to the bathroom and had not experienced any of that pregnancy incontinence like other people told me about, so this was weird to me. Dave noticed that I was acting weird and asked me what was wrong. I told him that I thought my water just broke - but it couldn't have. I had just read in the What to Expect When You're Expecting book that only 15% of women's water breaks... and I had 8 weeks (according to my messed up math) to go.

I told him I was going to go to the bathroom to check things out. I stood up, took 2 steps and it gushed - all over. Remember the book? It also said that if your water breaks you don't have to worry about it gushing all over and embarassing you because the baby's head will plug the cervix and stop it from gushing - there will be a trickle. There was no trickle for me. It was a gush - I looked like Ryann does when she wets her pants... Clearly either I had lost all control of my bladder or my water broke. I went to the bathroom and figured out that it was the latter.

In the meantime, our meal was served. Dave got nervous, sucked down his lasagna (yes he did) and asked the waiter for a check. He gave the guy an enormous tip because he was too nervous to figure it out. By the time I got out of the bathroom with my sweater around my waist I was signalling to him that we had to go - NOW.

We were in Naperville, our house was in Bolingbrook. The hospital was halfway between the restaurant and our house. But we weren't ready. I didn't have a bag packed, we hadn't taken birthing classes. We knew NOTHING. It was snowing and the roads were slick. Dave was a nervous wreck. He ran red lights and kept asking me if I was in pain. I wasn't feeling any pain and he kept saying, "Isn't it supposed to hurt?" I thought so, too, but I didn't feel anything.

We called the doctor twice from the car, he was paged to call us back. He didn't. We went home to pack a bag because obviously we were really smart about all of this:) I called the doctor again from home. He called me back and was kind of ticked at me because he had called twice and got our voicemail (the cell phone did NOT ring while we were in the car) and he was in surgery. I told him I thought my water had broken, he asked how early I was - I told him 8 weeks (remember my math), and he gasped and said, "You're only 32 weeks?" I told him, "No, I'm 34 1/2 but I figured I'd go late." blah, blah, blah - he was in no mood to hear my math and told me to go to the hospital right away and that I shouldn't have come home first.

So we went. Still no pain. Dave's still a nervous wreck and I'm as calm as I've ever been. Went into the ER and they decided that they needed to do a little paper test to find out if my water had truly broken - whatever. It had. They hooked me up to monitors and found that my contractions were 2 minutes apart, but I still was feeling nothing.

At around 10:15/10:30 I started feeling contractions, but no big deal. Dave was bored. We hadn't packed our bag well - just a few clothing items that I could think of at the time. At 11:00 he went home (20 minutes away) to grab a book (and a cigarette - naughty). The nurses had told us that it would probably be morning before I had the baby, so he had plenty of time.

By the time he came back around 12:30 I was in HARD labor. Probably dilated to 5/6 or something, but it was painful. I did not have any pain meds or an epidural and I had not taken birthing classes. Luckily a friend had told us about how his wife just found a focal point in the room and focused on that during her contractions. So thats all I knew. My focal point was in the ceiling right in front of the tv. At one point, though, they had me lay on my left side, so I had to find a new focal point - the door hinge served perfectly, except that Dave kept putting his head in between me and my focal point:)

Right before 2am (January 6) I felt that urge to push that you hear about, but just have no idea what it is until you experience it. I don't even think I had contol over it - I think my body was doing it for me without my knowledge. The doctor came, I began to push and 3 sets of 10 counts later we had our Peek. She was 4lbs 14 oz and was shown to me and whisked away.

During the whole ordeal it never ocurred to me that having a baby this early could be an issue. I had no idea of the seriousness of the situation. To me I was just finally having this baby and yes it was a little early, but it was coming. I think had I truly understood the seriousness of it all I may have been a basket case along with Dave. Two hours after she was born the neonatologist came in and talked to me - alone - about the possible issues Nora could have. I cannot remember a word he said, but I remember feeling like this was serious and could actually be a problem.

I did not get to see her until 10am the next morning when I was wheeled into the NICU. And this is what I saw:

She was beautiful and so tiny. She had a conehead because apparently she was in the birthcanal for a long time. But she was beautiful. She had full cheeks and good color. And I fell in love in a way that I had never known was possible.

Nora spent 5 days in the NICU learning how to suck. She was fed by a tube for the first 5 days and when she could take all of her feedings by a bottle she was allowed to come home. It was so hard to leave her in the hospital, but we visited several times a day and tried to give her as many feedings as possible. She came home on Friday and we have never been the same since. I have learned, through her, about a love that I never knew about, never imagined, and would never give up.

Happy 5th birthday my little Peek!

One Month:Two Months:Three Months:
Four Months:
Five Months:Six Months:Seven Months:
Eight Months:Nine Months:
Ten Months:Eleven Months:One Year:Two Years:
Three Years:Four Years:Five Years:

Thursday, January 04, 2007

New Years Resolution #1 - no more whining

Just so you know - I'm done whining.

I totally realize that my life is good and that in comparison to many others' lives I have nothing to complain about.

I have a friend who recently had a big scare with her daughter - she had something to complain and whine about.

I have another friend who has a son Ryann's age who is basically in a medically induced coma because he is constantly having seizures. He is awake for maybe 2 hours a day, he is under constant monitoring, and his bloodwork is not clear enough for him to have brain surgery to treat the seizures. She has 5 other children, 2 of them have cystic fibrosis. She has something to complain about - I do not.

Sometimes I need a dose of perspective and my other blog gives me that... Everyday I have at least 3 things to be thankful for - at least 3. Sitting down every morning and thinking back through my previous day gives me much pleasure... some days the 3 things come very easily, some days I have to think for a long time. Ultimately, though, I smile while I recall the day before and I'm always able to come up with 3 (even if they're food related:)

Last night while all three girls were in the bathtub, Nora was pouring water over Georgia's head and every time she did it Georgia got this incredibly shocked look on her face and laughed. Nora giggled and giggled and giggled. I had the pleasure of sitting in the bathroom watching and listening to it happen. I have three little girls who are healthy, active and happy. I know that my friend wishes she could hear her son giggle.

Truthfully, we could have worse problems than having a car break down and not being able to afford another one. I go through bouts of obsessing about our financial situation. I hate that. And by the end of the day I have to realize that it isn't something I can fix on my own. I have to give it over to God - and I literally do. I pray and ask him to fix it. Most days I live in peace knowing that Dave and I made the right decision in this job change. I know this is where he is meant to be - I know. I can't explain it, but I know. But every so often the stress of it all comes crashing down on me and I mean crashing. The weight of it all is crushing and I'm not sure that I can get out from underneath it. I question. I cry. I ocassionally whine. Tuesday was definitely one of those days.

We're going to be okay. I have faith that we will be okay. We're going to have to suffer for a few more years, but in the end we'll be okay.

I'm done whining for now.

If you need perspective, I invite you to get some for yourself on my other blog. It really is an affirming, positive thing to do everyday. It helps me realize that my life is really, really good.

And if you have a moment, please pray for my friend Susie, her husband Ferris and her son Landen. Pray for healing for Landen, pray for clean bloodwork so that he can get his surgery. Pray for rest for Susie. And pray for hope. My God is a God of miracles and he can heal this boy. Please pray.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Happy New Flippin Year

If the entire year 2007 promises to be modeled after the first 2 1/2 days of 2007, I will choose to be Rip VanWinkle and curl up in my bed and sleep until 2008. Seriously, how in the world do I go from being so happy and content and loving life, to being absolutely miserable and just counting the hours until the day ends in a matter of a few short hours?

Let me back up...

Last week Thursday Dave, Nora and Ryann flew out to visit his parents in Virginia. Georgia and I were supposed to go, however, she had double ear infections and was sidelined by Dr. Hottie. So I basically had 3 1/2 days to myself (with Georgia). It was very, very quiet. Very quiet. And I got so much stuff done around the house. I rarely had the tv on, I felt like I never sat down other than to read the newspaper and to do a puzzle before bed. I was on the go, go, go. Loving every minute of it - missing Dave and the girls, certainly, but still loving the quiet and the ability to do as I please for a short time.

Monday afternoon I picked them up from the airport. We were all so ready to see each other. I missed them and was anxious to get home, get out of the car and give my girls some hugs and kisses. It was a pleasant ride home with them in the backseat telling me about their plane ride and their trip to Papa and Nana's. Life was good.

Then we get home. My house is in perfect order - cleaner than it has been in four years. The suitcases are opened, stuff is everywhere. I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is the constant whining and crying that is ocurring because Nora stayed up until midnight the night before and is incredibly tired. That I'm not okay with... we decided to go get some new fish (one of hers died before she left) and go out for dinner and put them to bed early, so I can handle it for a few hours.

Then Tuesday morning hits and I had probably the worst 90 minutes of my life as a mom. I will start out by saying I am so not proud of my behavior yesterday morning. I have confessed and apologized and hugged and cried, but I am still ashamed of who I was yesterday morning -never have I been that person and I hope to never be that person again...

Georgia started complaining that I wasn't holding her at 9am. I think she really enjoyed having mom to herself for a few days and is now in the process of adjusting to sharing me... so she started crying at 9 - naptime is 10. So I brought her downstairs and figured I would sit with her for an hour and watch tv and play. We sat, she insisted on getting off of my lap and doing her own thing, fine - I had to go to the bathroom, so I left. WHILE I'm going to the bathroom (as in not more than 60 seconds after I left), Nora comes up and says Georgia spilled my coffee. It wasn't hot, so I wasn't worried about that, but I wasn't happy with myself for leaving my coffee down there. When I got down there I looked - it honestly looked like Shrek had taken a huge gulp of coffee and spit it all over the room. She had to work hard to spill it the way she did - sprayed all over on white-ish carpet.

I spent 45 minutes trying to clean it (there are still spots), got up to grab something from upstairs and noticed that Ryann's pants were wet. She doesn't have those kinds of accidents, so upon closer examination I found out that she had the other kind of accident... which she has had every day since she has been potty trained (someone please tell me the secret to getting a child to poop on the potty - please!!). I take her upstairs, give her a shower, clean her pants and underpants out, bring her to her room to wait to get dressed. Georgia is crying again because I am paying attention to someone other than her. It is finally 10 so she goes to bed. Back to Ryann... getting her dressed, Nora is hanging out with us just chatting. She's on Ryann's brand new desk chair and of course it breaks right at that moment. I was so happy. SOooo happy.

I was not a nice mom yesterday. Above all else, I'm sad that that is part of me and that I was unable to control it yesterday. I am not a yelling mom. My kids rarely get yelled at. I talk firmly, but I don't yell. Ours is a pretty calm house, with little yelling - I'm not bragging just stating the way it is. Yesterday it wasn't that way.

After the chair incident and after I calmed down, the rest of the day was pretty pleasant. The girls played well. Everyone was nice to each other. Nora even took a nap at the same time as the other two. I was ironing and getting ready to go to the doctor (I thought I had an ear infection), when the phone rings. Its Dave. His car won't start. Yup. He thinks its the battery so I asked him to ask his assistant to try to jump it (doesn't that sound good LOL!). Nothing. So I pack up the girls, go to his office, pick him up, go to the doctor, he goes to NTB where they tell him it is likely the battery and the alternator so now we're looking at probably a $500 bill for this car.

We have no idea what to do about this... We can't afford to pay our own bills, let alone another car payment. However, we could really use a van (right now I drive a Camry with 3 carseats in the back). The Sunfire is 8 1/2 years old, has about 130,000 miles on it and we just put $900 into it in the fall hoping that it would get us another year or so. Dave is totally against putting another $500 into it because he thinks that we would have to fix it again in 2 months for something else. What do we do?

At that point I was just angry. Angry. I'm rarely angry and I really don't like that feeling. Allow me to vent and complain for just one moment: I don't understand why we can just coast with our normal bills for a while. No, we can't even afford those, but we have had some kind of major expense (over $500) in addition to our normal expenses every month for the last few months - first it was having a wisdom tooth removed, then $900+ for the sunfire to be fixed, then new tires for the Camry, then a new water heater, then Christmas, and now this. When do we just get to coast? I know this is whiney, but this is what I was feeling last night. I can take the starting-the-business-not-making-money thing, but the additional, unusual BIG expenses really get to me.

So what to do about the car. I don't know. I just don't know what the right answer is - do we put more money into the sunfire and hope that it doesn't break down again? Do we add another $3-400 each month onto an already overstretched financial situation? I suggested we live with one car for a while, which Dave just doesn't see as working. I just don't know. I want to be wise with our finances - I want to do what is right, but how do you know? How do you know?

And how - please, someone tell me - how do you get a 2 1/2 year old to poop on the potty? I got the pleasure of repeating that experience again this morning... Someone give me some answers:) I'll read them when I wake up in 2008.

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