Learning Moments

My friend, Lisa, did a post a couple of weeks ago about Mommy Moments - times, as a parent, when you feel like you did it "just right" - you got it goin' on and you can feel it in the depth of your soul that THIS is how it is supposed to be. Good job, mom! I've had a few of those in the last 6 1/2 years:)

Yesterday afternoon I had just about as exactly opposite of that as possible. A moment in time where I knew - in the depths of my soul - that I had it wrong. That I messed up. It was my fault and it felt horrible...

A couple of weeks ago I got a notice home from Ryann's school that the Spring Fling would be on March 11th. The Spring Fling is a program/fashion show that Nora took part in last year. It is for senior preschool (4/5 year olds) and the kindergartners. Ryann was able to take part in it because she is in a partnership class (combination of 3-5 year olds).

I felt that she was a bit too young for it and probably too shy to strut her stuff on the catwalk and show off her outfit. She is our child who hides her face from people - even people she knows. It takes her a while to get comfortable around others and she leans toward being introverted. She is also our most go-with-the-flow child. She never seems to be terribly disappointed about things, never has her heart set on things, she just goes with the flow. She'll get upset if Nora gets to do something and she doesn't, but it is more of an issue of her feeling left out than being disappointed about what she doesn't get to do.

So I rsvp'd NO for the Spring Fling - she wouldn't be participating. Never thought anything of it.

Over the last two weeks her class has been practicing their songs. "Here Comes Peter Cotton Tail", "You are my Sunshine", "Hot Diggity, Dog Diggity" among others. It has been awesome to listen to her sing her songs - she has great pitch and the sweetest little voice. Every time she brought up the Spring Fling I told her that we weren't going. She just went with it... "I know, Mom, but I'm going." Whatever.

Yesterday on the way home from school we had the same conversation. At this point, I felt it was necessary to help her understand that No, we weren't going also meant that she wasn't going. She had a reaction that I never expected in a million years - with Nora, I would have expected it, with Ryann, not a chance in my mind. She was incredibly disappointed and cried and cried and cried. Not the crying of a fit and trying to change my mind, but the crying of a broken heart, of a child who was sincerely let down by her mom - and she was.

I held her for 25 minutes while she sobbed. In 3 1/2 years I have never heard her cry like this. My heart broke right along with hers as she cried. I felt horrible.

When I made that decision, I hadn't been thinking about her and what she would want. I didn't consult Cornbread. I didn't ask her. I just decided.

It was definitely a learning moment for me.


**Update 4pm: She just colored on my Doc Martens with an ink pen. The Doc Martens that I have had for almost 10 years. I think she just evened everything out.***