Sunday, August 24, 2008

Its a new day

Freewriting is sometimes the most therapeutic thing in the world for me...

School starts tomorrow. I am so excited. Not because I'm getting rid of a kid everyday, but because IIIIII NEEEEEDDD structure and some routine in my life. The last two weeks have been a swirl of nothingness for me. We have essentially done nothing all day. We have done some fun things in the evenings, but nothing all day and it has really gotten to me. Georgia can't hang out in the front/next door for longer than a couple of minutes without me being out there (because I don't feel comfortable with it) so I would sit outside starting between 10 and 11 in the morning until lunch time and then back out until 2/2:30. I would spend about an hour-90 minutes inside while she napped, but head back out between 3 & 3:30 and get her up around 4:30/5:00. I spent most of the time reading or chatting with Michelle, but the only thing getting done in the house was the kitchen (several times a day) and the laundry. The house was a giant mess and I felt like my life was spinning and I had nothing solid to hold onto. Its a weird description - there weren't any problems, just a general sense of disorder. So i'm looking forward to the order, routine, structure of school days.

I'm very excited for Nora to start 1st grade. She needs to go back to school pretty badly. I think she is getting pretty bored around home. She loves playing with Nolan all day, but I think she is ready to begin learning again. This summer has been good for her - for all of them. They have played outside almost everyday. They have had so much fun with Nate and Nolan. They have gone on a family vacation, have had grandma babysit, have done 4 weeks of swim lessons, have met new kids and made new friends (the Karner's, the Sidlowski's), they've gone to the beach, gone to the zoo, tried Chinese food, they've had so much fun at the weekly FFFSN and have strengthened friendships with Jake, Luke and Jonah. We've done a lot this summer. And I'm hoping next summer is going to be even better as we try to go downtown one day a week on the train and explore new things. I can't wait to start doing that.

I start babysitting Nick tomorrow morning. It has caused me some internal stress in the last two weeks. Not because I don't think I can handle it, but because everything about it is unknown for me. I don't have a clear idea of what the drop off/pick up schedule will be right now, the first week is going to be a bit crazier, I don't know how HE is going to be, I don't know how I'm supposed to take care of him - let him sleep whenever/however long he wants? Feed him on demand? Try to get him on a loose schedule? Am I going to have to hold him all day? Is he going to sleep longer than 20 minutes at a time? Is this going to disrupt our lives more than its worth? Is it going to affect our friendship with John and Michelle at all? I haven't been sleeping very well for the last two weeks and I think all of this unknown is the reason.

I also want to begin working on some personal goals this week.We are getting rid of the TV for the month of September. We're going to actually physically remove it and put it in the basement for the month. I'm excited to see what kind of affect this has on us as a family, but I'm also a bit nervous about what the heck I'm going to do during the day and if I'm going to miss it in the evening. I will simply have to find other things to do and not get upset about missing the season premiers of our favorite tv shows.

I am also going to cut out sugar for the month of September. I'm not going so far as being fanatical about whether or not there is sugar in the foods that I eat, but I'm cutting out sweets - no more potty treats, no cookies, no desserts, no ice cream before bed.

I want to lose 10-15 pounds by October 10th. Right now I weigh between 126-129 (those three pounds make a big difference on me). I would like to be down to 115 by our anniversary. I'm not even entirely sure that it is possible for me to lose that much by then, but I'm going to give it my all. I need to be diligent in counting my points and I need to be diligent in counting points and drinking water over the weekend.

I am going to start reading and journaling on The Five Love Languages. I want to be more present in life (another vague feeling I've had for the last couple of weeks - the disorder and the feeling of just going with life rather than being intentional in how I live it). I want to focus on love. Loving God and loving others. How do I do that best?

And I need to spend this first half of the school year figuring out what I need to do in order to start nursing school in a few years. I'll need to get my transcripts evaluated and start putting plans together to take some prerequisite courses. I would like to start taking classes next semester, but I guess that all depends on how life with Nick goes.

And I'm thinking of taking a yoga class on Tuesday nights. I sent out an email to all the women I know in the area asking if anyone wanted to join me. So far I have only heard from one friend and that was a No. I would really like to do it, I just need to register and get a sticky mat and something to wear. I'm going to suck at it, but I will learn.

I'm going to be a better runner by the end of the month, too. I'm already better than I was a month ago, but I will be even better by the end of September. Dave and I will be able to run together in Cabo and that is very exciting to me!

I want to find some gymnastics/tumbling classes for Nora and Ryann. I don't know if we can afford it, but they really, really want to do it and I want to give them the opportunity to find out if it is something they love. I also want to have Nora start piano lessons after the holidays. I was playing the piano this week and thinking about how soothing it is for me to sit down and just play. It isn't work. It is a love and I am so thankful that I have a piano to play on even if it isn't the best quality. I made it a goal of mine to buy each one of them a piano after they get married. I would absolutely hate it if I did not have a piano in the house and I don't want them to live without one, either.

I believe Georgia and I will be spending one afternoon a week with one of Dave's clients who is ill - stage 3 lung cancer. His wife is his primary care giver and they have no children and no family to give her a break. I offered to go and sit with him for an afternoon each week so she can get some errands done. I have never met them, but I know Dave is as close to them as he can be with a client. It is important for him and it is important for me to start giving back. Georgia is finally at an age where I can take her to do this kind of stuff and she will only get easier and more able to go with me - it is time for me to finally start giving of myself to others and this is one way that I can start. I would also like to start volunteering in the girls' classes in some way - much will depend on scheduling between Nick and Mr. Trier.

I have a lot to look forward to in the next couple of months. I'm actually very excited to be babysitting Nick. It will be nice to have a baby in the house that I can give back at the end of the day. I look forward to structure, better mealtimes, soccer games, homework, bus in the morning and waiting for it in the afternoon, sitting with Mr. Trier and getting to know him, learning more about myself and how to love more intentionally, getting to know God more. A lot to look forward to.


Kristy 10:04 AM  

Jana you are so adorable. Free writing is my favorite readings! I found myself saying a whole lotta 'uh huhs' throughout your post. I'm so there with you sister and I'm so excited to hear about all the fun & wonderful things you have planned.

heidi jo 9:49 PM  

you're making me think i need to set some goals for myself. :) love your ambition and heart.

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