Saturday, January 23, 2010

For several years now I have been struggling, internally, with how I feel I should live vs. how the world wants me to live. I whole-heartedly desire a slower, simpler life with less stuff, more experiences; less judgement, more authenticity; less busyness, more contemplation; less media driven opinions, more discussions with thoughtful people; less of self, more of others.

Those are my desires. However the world around me doesn't match those desires and it is a battle that I must be very intentional about. Some periods of time I am successful. Many I am not. I've found that the more tv I watch, the less successful I am. The more I read, the more successful I am. Coincidental?

I've been feeling a little disconnected from these desires lately. Not that I no longer desire them, but that I haven't been living a very intentional life. I've swung over to the reactionary side of the pendulum for the last little bit. I have several things to blame for this: watching more tv, busyness of the holidays, starting a new job in the mornings that disrupts my previously well-established routine, getting up every morning at 4:45 to workout.

I haven't really FELT like being intentional. I feel tired and often choose to passively spend my time watching some tv while doing a puzzle, rather than to pick up a book - even though I have a HUGE pile of books that I want to read. I have this over-riding thought in the back of my head that I know the book I'm reading is going to take mental energy and I don't want to do that at the moment... (not reading any engaging, entertaining fiction right now).

God has been working hard to hit me over the head recently and draw me back. And for that, I am thankful.

Matthew 5:3 - You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

verse 5 - You're blessed when you're content with just who you are - no more no less.

verse 8 - You're blessed when you get your inside world - your mind and heart - put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

verse 13 - Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness?

Psalm 119: 1,2 - You're blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God. You're blessed when you follow his directions, doing your best to find him.

And my prayer for this week has been Psalm 119:5 - Oh, that my steps might be steady, keeping to the course you set.

It's time for me to wake up.


Mommy Brain 3:20 PM  

It is a constant fight isn't it? To stay balanced...enough rest vs. enough business...productivity vs. laziness... It is especially hard for me after the holidays to find my right course again...I feel a tremendous let down when they are all done. The weeks of the holidays are so well ordered and my objectives so clear that when January comes and the order of my world is left up to me, I struggle often to "get back on track" I guess all this wordiness to say, you are not alone my friend. Good job...keep can do it.

Skooks 11:12 AM  

I struggle with this too. The mental energy is not always overflowing. But that doesn't mean I get to sit around and do nothing.

As always, your posts kick me in the butt.

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