Somehow my children have survived this long.

I just got home from the grocery store and had yet another experience where I was made to feel like a completely unfit mother who has absolutely no business having children of my own. I'm a little sick of having these experiences, but don't know how to go about reacting to them or alleviating them - unless I just never take my kids to the store with me.

Here is what happened:

I dropped Nora off at preschool and continued on to the grocery store with Ryann and Georgia. I don't normally do my major grocery shopping with more than one child at a time, however, I just needed a couple of things (milk, buy one get one free pot roast, baking stuff - you know, just a couple of things that turn into a basket-ful). We grabbed a cart and as per our usual routine, Ryann goes in the basket and Georgia sits in the seat.

We're cruising along, getting our couple of things and eventually Georgia turns around in the seat. Fine. Ryann has been standing the whole time in the basket and flies from one side to the other as we turn corners. Ahhhh, now Georgia is also standing in the seat and holding onto the bar.

And just so you know - this is typical and I am very, very careful with both of them doing this. I have found that it is less stressful for me to allow them to stand and do these things while I carefully push the cart and keep a hand on Georgia the whole time than to insist over and over and over again that they sit down. The whole sitting down thing for either one of them will certainly involve lots of crying and tantrums and lots of firm words and warnings from me, so I prefer to be careful and let them stand if they want. I have been doing this since Ryann was Georgia's age and she insisted on surfing in the seat - I have years of experience in this regard;)

And now that you all think that I'm completely unfit, I'll continue with the story...

We've made it through the entire grocery store now and are looking at the small gift basket displays so I can pick something out for my dogsitter who will be sitting twice over the holidays. We are right next to a huge display of champagne bottles and Ryann almost reaches over and grabs one, but since I am the alert and aware mother that I am, I quickly redirect her hands and her attention to something else and get her the heck away from the champagne bottle display.

I'm looking at the gift baskets... one hand on Georgia who is sitting in the seat and an ear on Ryann who is doing exactly what she has been doing the whole time we were there (playing with the food that is in the cart). A woman comes running from two aisles away and grabs Ryann and starts spewing things about how she was about to fall (she wasn't) and how "the floor will really hurt your head - I guarantee it." I thank her and she leaves. I had some other choice things to say to her, however, I held my tongue. I'm guessing she had some other things she wanted to share with me, but my demeanor told her she'd best be moving on her way.

I have this all the time. This time was a bit worse and more extreme than others (as in the lady's attitude was a bit worse this time), but it happens a lot. Do I really look like a completely ditsy, unable to care for my children type of woman? Do I look too young? too irresponsible? too neglectful? too unaware of my surroundings? What is it? Or is it simply the neurosis of these older women?

And as an aside - while I'm not meaning to offend anyone who happens to be in this age group, it does tend to be women in their 50's who do this to me. Women in their 40's generally look at the girls, smile and very sweetly (and patronizingly) say something along the lines of "Honey, you'd better sit down, you don't want to fall and get hurt." Women in their 60's tend to look at the girls, look at me, smile, tell me how cute they are and continue on their way. But the women in their 50's seem to have trouble keeping their opinions about my mothering skills to themselves - and they don't come right out and say things, it is more of the passive aggressive comments that they say to the girls that are specifically designed to let me know that they think I'm doing something wrong.

So tell me - how am I supposed to react? Have you had any situations like this? Am I being hyper-sensitive? (I normally don't really care, but this woman kind of ticked me off because her attitude was so judgemental and condescending) Any thoughts on the age difference and difference in attitudes? Am I the only one?

Join me

Please check out my new blog: Today I'm thankful for...

I have a friend who is struggling with some issues that I've also been struggling with recently. We've committed to send each other an email everyday listing 3 things that we're thankful for today. We've found that it is a good way to change our focus and perspective on what is going on. Please join me in listing your 3 things...

Birthday Boy

Today The Woof turns 7. He almost missed his 7th birthday by 5 days since he ran away on Tuesday and I refused to go look for him. Luckily for him, I was staring out the front window and saw him run across the street. Not so luckily for him, he woke up this morning and received a jester collar and jester paw bands.

Happy Birthday Woof/Brady/Guy/Dopey/Wooda Wooda/Fuzz/Fuzzer/Dumbass/Barkley/Sir Barks A Lot/Big Guy/Boy/Brader/The New Poodie!

Please stop taking my picture.

Really? Another one?

Dude - seriously, I'm pretty sick of this. Leave me alone.

I've been around here for 7 years and The Lady still bugs me...

Just so you know...

I am pleased to announce that as of Wednesday, December 6, 2006 we have a new member of the "I go potty on the potty" club. It took all of 6 hours, about 20 m&m's, a couple of peanut butter cups, 2 suckers, lots of juice and water and no clothes on bottom for Ryann to figure things out.

We have had three very good days so far. We are currently dealing with one pretty normal potty training issue, but I'm certain that will resolve itself within the next week or two.

She's such a big girl:)

Housekeeping

In response to a couple of requests:

BFWW does indeed mean Best Friend in the Whole World. Kim is not only my Best Friend Forever, but is my BFWW Period. That is the final word on that - there is and will be no other - ever.

Recipe for Corn Casserole:

Cream Cheese - however much you desire
Creamed corn
Butter - again, however much you desire.

Cook until yummy (not the bird, but the taste). Send leftovers to me:) Please realize that the more cream cheese and butter and the less creamed corn you include, the yummier the corn casserole. Heck - who needs corn... and who needs to cook it. Just take out a package of creamcheese, slather some butter on it and enjoy;)

Recipe for Applesauce Souffle
Same as above, but substitute applesauce for the creamed corn and include sugar. Instructions are the same.

Enjoy - let me know if you like it as much as I did:)

Buh Bye BFWW, Hello Woof

We left Memphis at 4:05am on Sunday morning. It wasn't a tough decision on when to leave - there were many pros for leaving this early - one of which was that we would be home in time for the noon kickoff of the Bears game (we didn't know until we were in the car that the game time had changed to 3:00).

Dave and I got up at 3:30, changed our clothes and got the girls into the car. BFWW and Jer got up to say goodbye and we got in the car to leave. I had to come running back to get Nora's duck - but then if you remember, that is how we travel - always coming back one more time for one more thing.

I cried all the way to Arkansas. Sobbed really. Not just a few tears streaming down my cheeks, but audible sobs. I could cry right now if I let myself.

The girls woke up around 7 and we stopped for a bathroom break and donuts at 7:30. The town we stopped in did not have a Dunkin Donuts, so we had to settle for gas station crappy, sticky donuts. I don't think the girls cared one way or the other, but since I am not a fan of donuts I was less than thrilled with the mess of the glazed variety in the car. I was also severly disappointed with the coffe that I bought at that gas station since it tasted like fuel. Mmmm.

The girls were good for the most part. Nora was excellent - especially considering the DVD player's battery was dead because the power was on the entire weekend while we were thinking we were charging it. So no movie for her, but she was really good about it and was very pleasant in the backseat for the whole ride home. Georgia fell asleep around 10 and Ryann was, well, Ryann. I glanced back there at one point and caught her drawing all over her hand with an ink pen. The hand was the least of it - there was ink all over her face, her pants and her arms.

And then I was really happy when Ryann decided to reach over into Georgia's carseat and try to take Georgia's barette out of her hair. This was at 10:45. Georgia woke up and punished all of us for the rest of the ride home. And we said thank you to Ryann.

We got home at 12:15, unloaded the car and got some lunch. I went grocery shopping and Dave watched the Bears. We were looking forward to an evening of chocolate chip pancakes, putting up the christmas tree and getting to bed early.

While I was cleaning up the dishes from the pancakes I heard Dave yell from the basement. I went to find out what was going on and found him standing in a puddle. The water heater was spraying water all over the place. Nice. This was a great discovery (although I was very happy that it just happened then and not while the dogsitter was there for the entire weekend).

We rolled back the carpet that I had just laid down there that week and started soaking up the water. I called PD and asked to speak to her husband. It was 7:30 on a Sunday night - she knew that if I was calling to talk to him at that time of night that it wasn't a good thing. He's a plumber, you see, so I told him what was going on and he said we needed a new water heater - exactly what I wanted to hear.

I spent the evening mopping up the floor while Dave and the girls put up the tree - only the tree, no decorations. I opted for the mopping, in case you're wondering, and based on the grumpiness that I heard going on upstairs I was glad that I did. Waking up at 3:30am and driving 8 hours and then finding a leak in your basement does not make one cheerful.

PD's husband told us to turn the water to the entire house off. My understanding (from what he told me later) is that we didn't need to be that drastic, but he didn't want to come over and he didn't want to try to explain how to turn the water heater off over the phone. And since Dave and I are complete plumbing dummies we obeyed him:)

The girls and I spent the entire day on Monday without water. We had some in the fridge and PD brought over a couple of gallons, but there was no flushing and no showers at our house that day (Dave and I took turns showering at Doug and Jennie's that morning). I went over to PD's house for dinner on Monday night while Dan and Dave went to Home Depot to buy a new water heater and Dan installed it.

After Dave put the girls to bed we were getting ready for bed ourselves and Dave says to me, "I'm so glad we have water again." And I gave him the "Whatever" look and walked into the other room. Soooo glad he had water again. Dork.

Beale Street

Last I left you we were on our way to dinner, discussing finishing school (and me thinking about leaving the girls in Memphis so they grow up to be polite)...

Dave and I wanted to have real Memphis barbecue while we were there so we opted for a well-known restaurant called The Rendevous. It was not quite what I expected... to get to the restaurant we walked through an ally and past several garbage dumpsters. I mentioned to BFWW (who had warned me about this, but I guess I just didn't expect it to be quite so "dumpy" ha!) that the food must be really fantastic if people were willing to walk through an ally and past the garbage dumpsters to get there. It was - the food was great and as we were leaving Jer noticed that the health inspector scored them at 76 - the lowest Jer had ever seen. That was quite reassuring:)

And so we were on to the rest of our evening. We decided to spend the rest of the night on Beale Street which was a short walk from the restaurant. Dave and Jer were several paces ahead of me and BFWW. We noticed a homeless man pass by them pretty closely. I also noticed Dave discreetly moving his wallet from his back pocket to his front pocket (something he does often when we're in crowds so I knew he was doing it - it was pretty discreet if you didn't know to watch for it). So Dave was careful enough to move his wallet, but he and Jer decided that the homeless man walking closely behind their wives wasn't of any concern...

We stopped in a souvenir shop in which BFWW tried to get me to buy an assortment of Elvis memorabilia - including a guitar fly swatter for $2.00. Since I really detest Elvis I opted to not buy any of the items she was showing me in the store. We moved on to the actual street. I think we were there a little early so it wasn't so "happenin" yet, but we moved our way down the street to just take in what was going on. We also spent some time trying to figure out which club we wanted to go to.

In the midst of the discussion we noticed A Schwabs - the oldest dry goods store in Memphis. I began to cross the street to go check it out and heard behind me, "I don't want to go in a stupid store!" from Dave. I wanted to check it out - and I'll just announce that we were all happy that we went in. Oh my - there are things in that store that you would never imagine. Tacky. Funny. Unthinkable.

Dave spent some time trying on hats and looking for the perfect walking stick. BFWW pointed out many things that some of us *needed* - such as "Dave, you NEED that shotgun". I very politely asked Jer to buy me a set of brass knuckles and when he asked why I needed them, I looked at him and said, "I'm a mom" - Duh. I was on a mission to find a conversation piece for my kitchen and BFWW pointed out several Mammy cookie jars, which was not quite what I was looking for. I think the real excitement was when Jer and I found a bin of retro candy. I bought a bag of tootsie rolls and a bag of bit o' honey's and Jer bought some Laffy Taffy, salt water taffy and candy sticks.

From there we crossed the street to find a club to hang out in. We were specific in what we were looking for - No cover charge. We ended up in a club that had an Elvis impersonator. Remember - I detest Elvis, so this was not exactly what I was going for that night, but Dave seemed quite excited about it and so we went. He said his name was Redford Elvis (but I can't find him on google) and told us that he was the third person to find out that Elvis died. He was there with Elvis' girlfriend and Jerry Esposito when they rolled him over on the bathroom floor. Dave and I thought he was full of it because he didn't look old enough to be there. BFWW thought that he was being disrespectful to the memory of his friend by impersonating him.

Redford Elvis' fan club (which further perplexes me as to why I can't find this guy on the www) was there and they cut up the dance floor with all of their moves. They requested that Redford Elvis serenade a friend in the audience, Pocahontas. We still don't know why she was called Pocahontas, but she was less than thrilled to go up there. While he was singing to her she was terribly embarassed and played with his sash the entire time. I would have felt sorry for her if it wasn't so fun to laugh at her.

When our waitress came and checked on us I asked her if she thought this guy was for real and if he really was there when Elvis was rolled over. She said she didn't think so. Then I asked her if he talked like that (in the Elvis voice) even when he wasn't on stage and she rolled her eyes and said yes. We got quite a laugh out of that:)

Then the fan club president requested a song and the fan club members made a good showing at how well they knew all of the words. It was apparent at that point that it was time to move on so we hunted down our eye-rolling waitress and left.

As we were leaving I asked the doorman/bouncer if he thought that guy was for real. He said he didn't know since he wasn't there, but then went on to tell me that he lived in the same building as Elvis when he (the doorman) was a baby and Elvis was 15. His mom taught Elvis to waterski and had a picture of Elvis holding him when he was 2. Jer and I shook his hand and went to find BFWW and Dave.

Our next stop was the patio outside of King's Palace. A band, 2 weeks notis, was playing and the patio was empty with the exception of a man in a wheel chair right in front of the band and a family of 4 - Mom, Dad, and two teenage daughters. The girls were dancing next to their parents and even went and danced with the wheelchair guy for one song. When the band played a song about drugs (i think - I don't know these dumb songs) the mom got up and danced, too. It was a very attractive show...

Shortly after the dancers left, the band asked who our favorite band was. I yelled out, very seriously, "Two Weeks Not!" And Dave almost peed his pants while he was laughing at me. Despite what you may think, I was not drunk or high (like the lead singer), but the sign behind them was blocked by the singer and all I could see was 2 weeks not. I thought it was a very odd name for a band, but hey - what do I know about naming bands? So I yelled it out and Dave almost wet himself.

I think the band was less than amused with my suggestions for them to play Copa Cabana or something by Liberace and decided to take a break as a subtle hint that we should make our way onward.

As we were walking down the street a man was doing backflips down the length of half of the street. This was his performance and he was depending on tips. We stood on the curb to watch and then we saw someone who looked just like BFWW's brother, Jefferson, but since he wasn't staying with us that weekend we figured it probably wasn't him.

Moving on we stopped at an outside courtyard and listened to a real blues band. BFWW and I stood there and tried to figure out if one of the other girls there was fat or pregnant. Dave went inside the club to use the bathroom and was told he had to wait while the floor dried - so we watched him wait through the window. Jer walked over to watch a guy drawing a portrait of a couple and came back and told us that the guy (in the couple) was really hating every minute of it, but the girl was loooooving it. So I decided to go watch, too. He was so right on - she was posing with a HUGE smile on her face while her boyfriend was wishing it would be over soon. We also heard one of the fans yell out "Joliet" and were a bit stunned that there was someone there from our area proudly yelling out "Joliet". Jer pointed out that he was likely yelling out the name of his prison. So we didn't make fun of him anymore.

Since we were leaving so early in the morning we decided that it was time to relieve the babysitters and go home. Dave and Jer walked back to get the car and BFWW and I went for shakes and fries to go at Dyers Burgers.

BFWW and I ate some fries and talked a little while longer before going to bed. It was our last few minutes together and it was nice to end the weekend together - by ourselves - at the island in the kitchen just talking. Like things were meant to be. Not worrying about doing the dishes. Not worrying about getting this done or that done or where we need to go next, but just talking, spending time together and enjoying each other.

We had the best time that night (and all weekend). I miss my BFWW:)