I want to stay home!

Have you ever read a book or talked to a person or heard a speaker that seems to articulate the feelings of your soul that you could never put into words? Somehow this book or person is able to put into words things in your life that you know but just can't seem to describe or relate to others. Suddenly the world makes sense. Suddenly you feel okay - like you're not a freak after all because someone else knows EXACTLY what you are feeling and has validated you - in a sense you now have credibility because someone else can put it into words.

This is how I feel about the book, The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World. A friend of mine lent the book to me and I have been reading it slowly over the last month or so. Almost every time I open the book I feel as if Marti Olsen Laney is describing ME - me, not a kind of person, but ME, specifically. Suddenly the world makes sense. And you know what? Because she is able to articulate ME so well, I now feel I am able to do things that I need to do in order to keep my sanity. I'm not wrong for feeling the way I feel, but it is who I am.

I'm not going to go on about the author and her qualifications - you can read it online or in the book. I don't want to do a book review - suffice it to say I think the book is amazing and anyone would benefit from reading it. An introvert would benefit for the same reason I do. An extrovert would benefit by being able to understand - even a little - the introverts in his/her life. Can you imagine if you were handed a user's manual to your spouse? Wouldn't you devour it as soon as you got it? I feel like this is exactly what this book is for Cornbread and I'm hoping that he reads it when I'm finished.

So let me share a little bit from the book that has been so incredibly profound for me...
You may think that an introvert is someone who is shy. Anyone who knows me at all knows that this is not true of me after I'm comfortable. I'm not shy. I bring that up as a way to explain that introversion is not defined by whether or not a person is outgoing or shy, rather it is defined by the fact that a person on the introversion side of the spectrum gains energy by focusing inward. Extroverts gain energy by focusing outward. In simpler terms - introverts recharge/refresh/gain energy by taking breaks, being alone, getting away. Extroverts, on the other hand, recharge/refresh/gain energy by being around people, being in the midst of "stuff" and others. The thought of being in a crowd for a significant amount of time terrifies me - not because I'm scared of the people or because I'll be uncomfortable or won't know what to say - I do very well in crowds - it terrifies me because I know I will be exhausted afterward and I can anticipate how I'm going to feel afterward.

You should know that on the continuum of Introvert/Extrovert I am on the Introvert side but am pretty close to the middle. Cornbread is almost my exact opposite - on the extrovert side, but very close to the middle. We compliment each other very well, I'd say:) We have friends who are on the opposite extremes of the spectrum and it amazes me that they do so well together, but then again - since they are each so extreme, opposites must compliment.

Let me share some examples of this in my life -

* I am a stay at home mom. I am the definition of a stay at home mom - I STAY at home. I could possibly come home from church on Saturday evening and not leave the house again until Saturday afternoon to go to church. This does not bother me - in fact, this is how I enjoy life. I do not like to be busy. I like to be at home. I have friends, though, who go stir crazy if they are in the house for more than 24 hours. They have to go somewhere. My mother-in-law, actually, feels like she has to go somewhere everyday or she's bored and going crazy. If I go somewhere everyday I'm miserable - I just want to be home. Thats not to say that I don't go places or I'm opposed to going places, but I can't do it everyday and I NEED to have down time to get my energy back.

* The girls and I are going to Michigan this week to visit relatives. We are leaving on Wednesday and Cornbread will be flying out to Detroit on Friday to meet us and we'll drive home on Sunday. I'm trying to figure out how to see some people in my short 24 hours in Grand Rapids - I'm feeling a little overwhelmed at the number of people I WANT to see and I'm dreading it. I'm not dreading seeing the people - I'm dreading the busyness and the go go go feeling of seeing so many people. Cornbread is dreading us being gone - he needs to fill up the evenings that we'll be gone with friends. If he doesn't he will be going crazy by the time he comes to Detroit. I would pay significant amounts of money to have 3 full days by myself at home - he can't stand the thought of it.

* As a stay at home mom, I NEED breaks from my kids. Not that they bug me or annoy me at all. They don't. I love them, obviously, but if I don't take an hour break here and there and let them sit in front of the tv while I am by myself, I feel smothered. I can't be with them 24 hours a day or I have a meltdown. This was especially awful when Ryann was sick as a baby because she was incredibly crabby and clingy and I could never get away from her. By day two I was going out of my mind - not because of her crabbiness but because I could not be by myself for any amount of time.

* When we were dating in college Cornbread and I would often have pretty large fights about going out on Friday nights. He wanted to go to the dance clubs with all of our friends. That sounded like about the absolute worst thing I could possbily think of to do. I wanted to sit and watch a movie together while all of our friends were gone, or go out for a little bit and then come home and watch a movie. We were in college - we didn't understand these differences in each other and it caused much friction.

According to the book, extroverts outnumber introverts in the world 3 to 1. Three to One - There are three times as many extroverts as there are introverts. So extroversion is the norm - hence, introverts feel inadequate and unaccepted (at times) and underappreciated because they do not fit the norm. It almost feels like we are wrong to feel the way we do - like it is wrong to prefer staying home rather than going out. I can relate to that - I've thought for a while that I must be a pretty crappy mom because I'm not bringing my kids here and there and everywhere during spring break or the summer. My friends do it, so I must be lazy or a subpar mom because I don't. The truth of the matter is that I'm okay. Its okay to not bring my kids to the zoo, the acquarium, the mall and the museum all in one week. Its okay to not want to be in the crowd - other people feel this way. Just because 3/4 of the world doesn't does not mean that I'm weird or wrong because I do. THIS is part of what I'm learning from this book.

I intend to share more over the course of the next couple of posts. Of course I want to journal on this for myself, but by doing so I'm hoping that some of you may get to know me better - maybe if I turn down the invitation to the zoo you'll remember that it isn't because I don't like you, its because I can't handle the thought of the hassle and the crowd. And if someone reading this gains a better understanding of his/her introverted spouse, family members and/or friends, then all the better.

QOTD:
Based on what I've described, are you an introvert or an extrovert? What is your spouse/significant other? Do you have an example that you want to share?