Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Keeping it real

So here we are... I'm private and I'm real from here on out. Beware - and I'm warning myself, too - being real for me may mean sharing actual numbers and actual realities of life in our house and in our family. I continually wonder how people can be authentic with each other without being honest... If I don't share real stuff and real numbers with someone, how will that person know me and know my situation. If I'm vague, it leaves opportunity to assume or come to conclusions. If I'm specific it doesn't. I also recognize that being specific opens me and my family up to criticism and judgement. So thats what I'm most scared of...



However, Dave (no more Cornbread), was telling me the other day that he started feeling better once he realized he had to get off of the island and reach out to other people. No more living on an island with a cell phone that I won't use, hoping for rescue... hoping that someone will just KNOW that I need help getting off of the island. It is by reaching out to others that they will know that I need help - whether it is specific help or prayers or whatever. And please hear me - I'm not in desperate need of help, I'm just saying that living on an island and trying to do things all on my own and not reaching out really sucks. Like I said before - I WISH that people would just support me in the way I need it without me asking for it, but it doesn't happen that way - especially when life is perpetually "fine".



So that brings me back to being real, authentic and honest and bold and trusting. I know there are certain topics and specifics that aren't generally discussed, but sometimes I feel like they need to be out there in order to have a real discussion. If I tell you that we had a really rough month last month and Dave's paycheck was low that allows you to assume that maybe he just barely made the bills, or he fell a couple of hundred dollars short and we have to dip into savings to cover it. However, if I tell you that his paycheck was $743 for the entire month and that covers our tithe and only part of our groceries, well, that allows you to assume that financially things are really, really sucky right now:) And stressful - but I will get further into that later. In addition, a year from now (hopefully) when he is finally making enough money to pay our bills, having known the specifics our our situation allows you a greater opportunity to rejoice and praise with us and to further understand how amazing it feels on our end - see how that works?!!



As I said before, one of the reasons for going real and private is so that I can look back years from now and remember how life was at this time. I can draw from this experience and help others who may need it in a similar way. In addition though, I want my girls and my grandkids to have this - to know this, to understand this about us someday. I LOVE to hear stories of my grandparents when they were first married and how they got through the difficulties of their early marriage. I never hear those stories from my parents, but I would love to. I think hearing it from my grandparents gives me a perspective of faithfulness and hope and an understanding of them and how they became who they are and why they have the faith in God that they have. Theirs is a journey of faithfulness - from God and from them. I want my kids to have that.



And its not only that. I need this too. I need to write it out for myself to get it out of my head, but I also - probably more importantly - need to be able to go back and read about God's faithfulness and provision and the amazing ways that He worked in our lives. And I can't see that if I'm not real about it. I have a very poor memory... we have some very incredible examples of God working in our 10 year marriage, but even now I'm kind of like, "Wait, how did that go again?" So hopefully a current journal will aleviate that issue 10 years from now:)



I'm excited about this - I need this.

5 comments:

Mommy Brain 2:11 PM  

I'm here. Just thought you'd wanna know.

Missy Eagen 6:44 PM  

being real- sounds refreshing... I get this and I hope I can also follow your example..

Jen 7:32 PM  

I'm here too! I love the concept of "realness". I'm working on it in our new church setting. Kary told me that I have problems when I'm not real b/c I get to be friends with people who like the fake me. Sooner or later the real Jen shows up and then they don't like me. So I'm trying to be the real Jen~take it or leave it! :-)

Brenda B 4:45 PM  

I SO get what you are saying! many times over the past year I have found my self in a situation and i've thought to my self I have no one to discuss this with - i mean really truely honestly discuss things with.

I love your perspective of keeping a real record of how things are so that you can look back and see exactly what God has done for you.

Thank you for allowing me to share in the real you.

Marissa 1:29 AM  

Jana,

I totally hear you on all of this. I, too, desperately wish that my parents would tell me more about the ins and outs of real life when they were first married/raising a family. I have no ability to hear those stories from grandparents as they have all passed away. As it is, I'm already starting to forget the stories that my Nana did tell me before she died. So, a written record for your children and children's children . . . what a blessing. I'm sure they (as I do) will appreciate your openness and candor when they become old enough to read it.

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