Thursday, September 18, 2008

Day Seventeen

By half of a month into this tv and sugar fast I am feeling like this is just the way of life, rather than a struggle or anything that I need to consciously think about foregoing. That is a good thing.

The tv continues to not be an issue. I don't feel like I'm missing anything. I don't miss any shows - I recognize that it might be because there are no new shows on right now. And as I was telling BFWW yesterday morning, I needed to do something... after several years of not watching them, I was beginning to watch soaps again. Just flipping them on here and there and then suddenly it was a daily thing. I hate soaps. They draw me in and I don't know why. It was a good time to do something drastic like this.

I am also not missing sugar. And after losing a couple of pounds I have new-found motivation to continue my sugar fast after this month is over. I am not missing it or craving it in any way. I still want to eat just one m&m when I hand out potty treats - I smell them and get the urge - but I just put them away and out of sight. I must have been eating things out of want, not out of satisfying a craving. I reiterate that it is very helpful - for me - to not have the option rather than trying to do it in moderation.

It may be too early to make this decision, but I would like to continue my sugar fast for as long as possible. I would like to be someone who just doesn't eat sugar or desserts - Cornbread has a cousin like that (cousin is a boy) - says that it makes him ill... he is the one male member of Cornbread's extended family who doesn't have a weight problem (of course he is only 24, too... the beer may catch up to him eventually lol!) Ultimately I would like to allow myself to indulge in only certain things that are worth indulging in: homemade chocolate chip cookies, cheesecake, Thanksgiving dessert for example. Is it really worth indulging in store-bought anything?

Over the last few days I have been considering the question of Why? in regards to tv and sugar for me. Giving these things up has clearly been a beneficial thing for me, personally, and for our family. So the important question is: Why do I struggle with these two issues? Why am I unable to do them in moderation? Why is it so hard for me to eat one slice of dessert at a party? Why is it difficult for me to limit my television watching to just a few shows each week? What am I self-medicating with either of these things? Boredom? I'm not sure. It is a question that I will continue to consider.


Mommy Brain 8:14 AM  

Sometimes I think I over indulge in things out of pure laziness. It's when I'm going through life on auto pilot...and during those times I feel so uninvolved, unimportant and unproductive. It takes a serious commitment or shake up to get me to change even though every fiber in my body is unhappy. Does that make sense? What is ultra frustrating for me is that in those times I will continue the auto pilot mode even when I know it's what is causing my malaise. But once I do make a decision to "do" something and then stick with it for awhile(longer than a day! ha ha!) I feel like I've been awakened, like I've regained control, empowered. Sorry to ramble...thinking through my fingers is often the best way for me. Love ya Jana! We should do coffee again.

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